A Heart of Gold

Chapter 9

Helga looked at her right arm in the mirror, debating whether she should leave the bandage or not. There's no use in hiding her tatoo anymore, since the company already knows it.

The Company...

Oh, Eru, what must they think of her now? As you might have guessed, the Company, except Balin, didn't take it well. Once it was revealed thay she was, indeed, a dragon rider, they all backed away from her in an instant, as if she had a disease.

But what hurt most of all was how their leader, how Thorin looked at her.

All her hard earned respect and trust will all be gone now, and she has to earn it again. Dammit... She decided leaving her bandage on. It would be best not to remind the Company once more about what she was. But why should she? She was proud to be a dragon rider. So what if they hate her? Shouldn't they be asking why she would want to kill a dragon in the first place? Helga walked the hallways of Rivendell once more, her heart racing at the chance that she would be running into them. She prayed hard to the Valar that it wouldn't come to that. She wouldn't know what to say or what to do when she comes face to face with them. Well, that is if they were still here. They are old enough to venture out in the wilderness anyways, but if they are still here, oh, Valar, help her.

As she entered the veranda where the company was, Elrond waved for her to come in. As she passed by the company, their stares on her were unreadable and Balin just gave her a tight smile and a nod. She approached the table where Elrond sat and she could see that Thorin was looking at her with his infamous icy glare. She felt a stab in her chest at the gesture and gave everybody in the table a small smile and nod before sitting on the empty chair... Which was in front of Thorin.

Oh, Valar...

She just sat there and listened to Elrond, Gandalf, and Thorin converse about the swords they found in the troll caves. It turns out that not only were their swords from Gondolin, but it seems that they've made history in battles.

"And you, Helga. What brings you to Rivendell? Your departure the last time you've been here was unexpected and saddened us all... Especially Amren. He would be most happy to see you." He said and Helga looked up at Elrond.

"They are still here?" She asked them and he nodded and smiled.

"I'm sure you would get the chance to reunite with them after our meal." He said, thinking he's doing her a favor, but he's not. Helga wasn't able to touch her food during dinner due to both Thorin's pressuring glare and the thought of reuniting with the Amren and Alvor. At this point, she didn't know what she wanted to happen; for dinner to be finally over, or for dinner to never end.

But, one way or another, it did. Elrond bowed to the dwarves and left, saying that he had to check on his children, while the dwarves stood up and was about to leave when Thorin was held up by a blonde-haired woman.

"Thorin, wait!" She said, grabbing her elbow but he shook it off.

"I have nothing left to say to you, but this: do not dare think that you are part of this company anymore. If you just told me that you were a-a... dragon rider, in the beginning, I would've thought about it-"

"See, you wouldn't have. The moment that you would've hear the word 'dragon', you would kick me out of Bag End yourself! You would have thought that I had something to do with Smaug's attack!"

"Well, what if you did?! You and your whole cursed tribe might have planned with Smaug to steal all of the riches in Erebor!"

"Do not speak of my tribe in that manner! You know nothing of what you speak of!" She shouted, and saw the look of triumph in his eyes. She bit her lip and looked down."Thorin, please, I am begging you," She told him, tears in her eyes. "Isolate me all you want, but please, do not stop me on this journey."

"Why?" He asked, and Helga just stared at him, her mind going on and on about the lies she could tell him, but with lies comes with consequences. The next time he figures out he's lying to her, no amount of pleading could persuade Thorin to let her join on the quest. "Then you have your answer. You cannot join this company. For respect, you would have to earn trust, and as of this moment, I will never trust nor respect you. You can go back to your precious dragons." He spat as he left Helga standing, her head down and her shoulders slumped in defeat. The company, not wanting to anger their leader, just sent her sympathetic glances as they passed by her.

Guess she would have to march into Erebor herself, then...

"I told you, joining the company is a futile attempt," Helga told Gandalf as they walked around the winding paths in one of the many gardens in Rivendell. "We are not yet even halfway through the journey, and I've already been kicked out..." She said and sighed heavily, and Gandalf blew out a cloud of smoke.

"I am sure Thorin would find time and reason to accept you back in The Company," He said, as they strode through the pathways of the garden. "And speaking of acceptance, there will be no avoiding Amren and Alvor, now," He said and noticed that his companion suddenly slowed her pace until she stopped. "Come now, Helga. We've been through this!"

"The disappointment, Gandalf-... I was supposed to take care of them, but I left them for my own selfish desire for revenge... And now, even that I have failed..." Helga said.

"Helga Skyrunner, if you say one more word about being a disappointment, I would turn you into a toad before you utter the next one! I have listened to all of your complaints of being a disappointment to Amren and Alvor, and I have had just about enough of it!" Gandalf scolded, and Helga's shoulders dropped. Gandalf sighed and offered his arm, and they both continued their walk. "I am sure they understand..." He said, gently this time.

"I don't think they will... They were just babes when they were under my care." She said and Gandalf just smiled as they entered what seems to be a sparring area.

"Why don't you explain it to them yourself?" He asked and Helga felt her hair stand as she turned her head to the direction of the sparring area. There, two males sat on a stone bench, both of them laughing about a joke the other one said as they drank from their own water skins. The one on the right, who seemed older, stopped laughing and tapped the other male's knee and pointed at their direction. The one on the left looked at them and stopped laughing, looking like he saw a ghost. Both of them stood up, the one on the left had his jaw open and the one on the right has his jaw clenched. The younger one dropped his water skin and ran to Helga.

"Ma!" He ran to Helga, enveloping his arms around her neck, almost tackling her to the ground, if not from her years of practice. Helga smiled, her eyes in tears as she carefully wrapped her arms around his waist.

"Amren," She breathed out as tears fell and let out a shaky sigh. She smiled and brushed her hand on his brown hair. "You've grown," She said, laughing happily and hearing Amren laugh, too, as he let go of Helga. She held his face in his hands and examined his face. "You've grown handsome, just like your father."

"Where were you?" A voice spoke and they both turned to see the older male from awhile ago standing there, his hands clenched as he stared at Helga. She gasped and smiled, walking towards him.

"Alvor-"

"Don't even think about it," Alvor said, taking a step back and stopping Helga in her tracks. "Answer me, Helga," He said. Hearing him call her that made Helga wince from the unfamiliarity. "Where were you?"

"Al, it doesn't matter," Amren stepped up to Helga's defense. "Ma's back now, that is what matters right now." He said and Alvor never took her eyes off of Helga.

"Stop defending her, Ren... She's not our mother; She's never been our mother." He said, walking back to the bench to collect his weapons and belongings before storming out of the sparring area. Helga stood there, looking after the elder brother only to be held by the younger one. She looked at him and the aching pain in her chest was relieved for a while.

"Come now, ma. We have a lot of catching up to do."

Little did they knew that a pair of icy blue eyes were watching them.