I Never Asked for You

Why will the ground not swallow me?

“Oh… Er… sorry… Yes, I, I, forgot to put my lighter in my bag this morning and it really isn’t the time to not have it.”

I scowl and give a pathetic sigh in an attempt to act normal, I hear him laugh. He has a lovely laugh, smooth and low, a laugh that didn’t set me on edge. He pulls a lighter out of his pocket and hands it to me.

“Here, I think you might need this.” I practically snatch it off of him and light my cigarette with hands still trembling. 

Nice one, Rose! Great impression you’re giving! Acting like a child without her dummy.

“Are you ok?” He looks at me with slight concern. Oh great, now he’s picked up that I’m are stark raving mad! I am sure I now look like a complete and utter nut job. I can feel my cheeks burning as I look at him awkwardly. Can the earth please swallow me up? Now would really be a good time!

Saying that… He could possibly see that I have been crying and be like, really concerned.

No, he definitely thinks your weird.

No, Im being silly, he is just being nice to me. I needed a lighter and he gave me one, I obviously needed one, I mean my puffy eyes probably give that away.

Or he could like me?

Okay we need to put this to bed, now!

In bed… My mind wanders for a second. I wonder what he looks like under that t-shirt, I can see the definition in his arms and his toned figure. Yes, I wonder.

Now, Ali!

Right! Yes… He has only given me a lighter, not an engagement ring! There’s no need to be planning my wedding just yet.

I’m shaking like a leaf, which I am sure is perfectly visible, and I think that the best course of action is to perch on the wall next to me.  He steps towards me and touches my arm to steady my grip on the wall.

He just touched me! I think I am going to die. I will never wash my arm again!

I wonder if I need locking up. This reaction is not meant to happen just by borrowing someone else's lighter, no, it surely isn’t. I need to calm down, before the men in white jackets whisk me off, kicking and screaming.

“Oh. Hah. Yeah.  Thank you for the lighter. I’ve just had a rough day that’s all, I had my final presentation today and I feel like I messed it up.” I pause, thinking back on it and shudder. “Im sorry I didn’t get your name.”

He smiles at me again. Oh, I feel like I am melting! Strange how this guy isn't making me so terrified in his presence, except he’s turned me into a dribbling mess! I try desperately to smile back; which in this instance adding the puffy eyes and all, probably means I’ve just done my best impression of Gollum after he found The Ring… Very creepy indeed…

“My name’s Jake, and you didn’t give me yours.”

How is he just so relaxed about talking to a complete stranger? I know Casey can do it, a talent that obviously seems to be lost on me.

“Alannah. It’s nice to meet you” I hand him back the lighter, but he waves it away, shaking his head. I will treasure this lighter for the rest of my life! Okay, now I really am acting like a stalker, before they go axe-murderer on the people they’ve been spying on.

“Thanks. What are you doing here anyway?” I realise I’m not paying attention to the words coming out of my mouth. How rude did I sound! “Er… I mean, are you here for any reason?” I shake my head, what a tool. “I, wow, this isn’t really my day for wording things.” I stammer, giving Jake a pitiful laugh.