The smell of the spring and the summer is the strongest at night. The smell of sweat and wet pavement and freshly cut grass mixed with the smell of freshly clean clothes reminds me of days without stress or fear and when optimism was at it's highest peak for me and the fear and stress from the past school year receding. It reminds me of the storms in the summer at night and watching movies all day and going out side and running around. It makes me happy like the way that straw and gasoline reminds me of the fall. It makes me think of the way the cold nibbles my nose when we go trick or treating or when we go to the campsite for a while. Like it does when it's cold and rainy in June or July and the way the fire outside at night warms you in August and September. And the way hugging someone you love after you haven't seen them in a while fills you with love and happiness. These are all reasons it was hard for me to leave. Although it may seem like in the summer daylight I have a ton of optimism and am overwhelmed with excitement and happiness, it's late into the summer moonlight and the fall and winter days that I lose all of what makes me want to stay. The fall days recall the stress, anxiety and depression that receded 4 months ago. Oddly enough I was named after my deadliest month, December. That wasn't the month I was born, but the month of my parents anniversary, and birthdays, as well as my brothers birthday. My passing only added one more anniversary to the many.
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d e c e m b e r
General Fiction*trigger warning: suicidal actions and thoughts* ••Also thanks Kayla (@CutieDrawerMLP) for helping me with this book😂•• ••• Theres a reason I'm not here anymore. There's a reason you're reading this. Theres a reason but was hard for me to say good...
