Give myself a break (short one part story)

Time to give myself a break.

Summer.
It's hot. My room is humid and it's hard to breathe. My window's open. Sometimes I wonder "what it's like to be happy". I wonder. But I am happy. Am I?
   
Maybe.

Do we know what happiness is? We've all felt it at some point but as time goes by, life makes sure you think twice about wether you are, truly happy.

I look out my window and see my city shinning. Florida is gorgeous. Most of my time these days is passed in my balcony. I like looking at the city from the very top floor apartment. Maybe that's why it's so hot in here. Most of the people down there look tiny and it's fun seeing how everyone lives their life. I look at them and kind of get an idea of what kind of person they are, are they happy, sad, frustrated or neutral, all of that can be seen just by looking at the way they walk, move or look around.

Once there was a man walking down the street, clearly having a bad day. He was my neighbour from two floor's down. I haven't really talked to him much and I didn't know pretty much anything about him until that day. He was walking to his car, probably going to work. He had a backpack which, as he went to his car - fell appart. The bottom of the bag ripped. It's a shame though - it was a pretty nice backpack. What surprised me was that, he picked all of his stuff up and continued to head to his car. He was somewhat laughing. He gets to his car andddd... Nope, the car doesn't start. He get's out of the car and calmly goes back home. Gets a new bag and calls a taxi.
I stared at him struggling for over 30 minutes and was surprised he wasn't angry. If that was me, I would have gone mad. See? I'm either hotheaded or I just can't be a possitive person.

Possitivity has always been a hard task for me to try to reach. I'm just like that. People keep telling me to stop whinning and do something. I am. I'm working on myself. Most people would call that selfish, but why is that? I'm going to live with myself until I die, so it's a plus for me if I get to change myself for the better. I don't see anything selfish about that. Not at all.

As I'm looking through the window I catch myself thinking. Thinking. And thinking. I don't think it's a bad thing. What's bad are my standards. My standard that I try to squeeze myself into. It wouldn't be that hard for me to be me, if I wasn't me. I want to be possitive, but I can't think differently. I want to have dreams, but I'm still wandering. I want to live, but I still don't know how. I want it. That perfect mood. That perfect feeling.

And I will find it, one day.

My body's tired. My mind is fried. My thought's are wandering to places that don't make sense. It's time.
I get out of bed. Check my phone.
3:40 am.
Okay.
I make myself some tea and go in my balcony.
It's time.
I sit down and snuggle in my poofy bean bag chair.
It's time.
I look at the city streets. Take in the fresh air that's coming in from my open window and relax.
-It's time,- I say to myself.
It's been 18 years of this. I can't anymore.
- It's time. Time to give myself a break,- I whisper under my breath as a smile starts breaking through as I finish my sentence.

Yeah, let's start over.
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Hey guys! Sveiki!🍀
I hope you enjoyed this short story. I really didn't know what I was going for here, but it came out quite nicely. I hope you like it! :)

Tikiuosi Jums patiko! :)

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