THE TIME MACHINE // KURT COBAIN

"A hole in yourself."

And here we go. Kurt is in bed, he still haven't finished his food. Even though he wants to. There's a bucket next to him. Told you! He threw up. God i don't how he handles all this shit, i would never survive without my precious food. I love food. I mean... Who doesn't?!

Anyway, he wants to stay sober so he made it clear that he's not going to rely on drugs to kill the pain. And so does Courtney. As a family, i get why they're doing this, i would do that as well if i had a child and my own family.
Yes. If.
I'm not clean and sober and i probably never will. I do a lot drugs. But i'm trying not to so much because i care about them and i respect their decision of staying clean and sober. They're so in love, they have something other than drugs to be addicted to. They have each other. I wish i had that as well....
I have them them. They're my only family, that's why i would die for them. Though, sometimes i feel like i'm a negative influence for them. I hope that they'll not fall into drugs again because of me....My childhood and Courtney's childhood are pretty similar. People always said that i've had a 'family' which was similar to Sid Vicious family.
Just because once, my mum gave me a bag of heroin as a birthday present and she has been a complete selfish bitch.
Basically i've been fucked up since the day that i was born.
But, whatever. No big deal, i've seen and heard worse. I don't wanna play the part of the poor little girl on drugs, who had a bad childhood and plays rock with her friends because she wants to be alternative and all that crap. I'm not into that shit. I'm ashamed of what i had to go through because of that woman. It caused a lot of problems in my life. So i don't use that as an excuse for what i've become.

But, like Courtney's mum once said to her: "You can't just go around with a hole in yourself because you had a bad childhood."