the things you see,
are not what I see.
the things you feel,
are not what I feel,
any longer
a sudden wave of catastrophe,
a beautiful masterpeice,
is nothing but a peice of paper with colorful lines on it, to me.
a part of my soul is gone,
withered away and done
the rest of me is fading away,
slowly
I lay my head down in class
no one asks me if im okay
but thats Ok
they are too busy being happy - that's Ok.
I feel different.
my soul is in a different place than my mind or my body.
my heart is distant,
because its not sure what it should feel
empty? tired? sad? Alone?
it is gone, it has left me too.
I get stings of feeling every now and then
after reading a book, or watching a movie.
something impacts my heart.
the sting hurts,
but I bear it.
because afterwards I feel nothing at all -
my feelings are gone again.
pain is the only feeling I have left
pain? or nothing at all?
when I force a laugh, how can people not hear the echoed cry?
or the pain lying on the surface of my eyes?
written on my lips?
plastered on my face..
I show the signs,
no ones looking.
I am very alone.
In a room full of people,
I ask myself:
Why am I here?
there certainly would be no difference.
just one more empty seat,
one less mouth to feed,
one less paper to grade.
if there were no more me
things would be so easy.
but
I don't want easy
I want hard.
I am fighting myself,
every day, just to stay breathing.
I do not feel alive
but I will try.
I get through the day just fine
a couple stings in my heart
can you believe this is just the start?
where do I go from here...
I am confused and scared.
why is everyone leaving?
i'm trying...
have I done something wrong?
is it because I am no longer fun?
I see no point, I see no reason.
but I believe there is one.
I am just blind
