The next few days were interesting.
I'd been on a date with Josh Dun, and now I was supposed to figure out if I had feelings for him.
Of course I did, right?
I wanted to, of course. But caring about him because he was in my favorite band and having feelings for him were two different things. And I wasn't sure which was which.
The date went well. Josh enjoyed himself, and I did as well, for the most part. I was a bit distracted, though.
Twenty One Pilots saved my life. Back in 2012, I felt like I had no purpose in life, and I had a hard time feeling emotions and caring about stuff. I'd been listening to the band for a while already, but when I went through this, I felt like I'd discovered them all over again. I listened to the lyrics over and over again, and did what helped me: I created a purpose for myself. Through photography, I was able to create things that kept me alive. Slowly, I found a purpose, and slowly, I was okay.
Going through that makes you feel attached to a band. Of course there was a love I felt for Josh and Tyler, but it was more of a deep respect that contained so much emotion. I told Tyler back in 2013 how he'd saved my life, but I hadn't even mentioned it to Josh.
I was working on treating Josh as a friend, as someone I'd met causally, without previous attachment, but it was so hard when Josh was part of the band that saved me.
What was I supposed to do? "Hey, Josh, your band saved my life, so that might be why I think I have feelings for you."
Definitely not that.
Josh wanted to hang out again, this time at his house. I was nervous. Was this a sign of feelings, or intimidation?
I drove to his house, not bothering to put on music. I needed to get lost in my own head for a bit.
I pulled up to the house that matched the address he gave me. I got out of my car, shaking. God, what's wrong with me?
I knocked on the door and took a deep breath. It's okay, I reminded myself.
The door opened, and there was Josh, a soft grin on his face. "Hey," he said.
"Hi," I smiled weakly.
"Come inside," he said. "How are you?"
I stepped through the doorway, calm for the most part. "I'm good." I said.
Looking around, I noticed that Josh's place was very simple. There wasn't much furniture, and the only thing that showed someone actually lived there was his fridge. It had a few photos on it, some with Tyler, some with his family, some with friends I recognized, and some with friends I didn't.
"Yeah, it's not much. I don't actually live here a lot of the time." He said. Most of the time, he lived in California, not here.
"It's a nice place." I said. "It's really simple."
"Is that good or bad? Simple?"
"It depends on the person, I think. I think it's good, anyways." I said.
Josh smiled. "I like it to. And honestly, if this was my main home, it'd probably look the same. I'm not much of a 'stuff' kinda guy."
"I'm the opposite," I said. "I have stuff everywhere. Pictures, obviously, art, just random stuff...I like simple, but I need something to remind me I'm home."
"I like that." Josh smiled.
"So, uh, what'd you wanna do today?"
"Well, actually, I kind of invited some friends over. Is that okay?" Josh asked.
