False Pretense [EreRi/RiRen AU]

Chapter 23: Solace

"Levi. I'm not here to joke around. I went here because it's your birthday. I want you to enjoy it. I want to spend the day with you." The tone of his voice was a bit stern, his eyes placed on me and it successfully pinned me at my place. I can't believe how much control those eyes had over me. I don't know whether or not I should hate it or what.

Scowling at him, I jerked my arm away, this time successfully freeing my hand from his grip. I let my arm fall to my side, my scowl still on my face.

"Do you think that I can fucking enjoy this day after what happened last night? Are you fucking dumb?" I shook my head, my gaze falling to the ground, letting out a humorless chuckle. "You're hopeless."

"But it's your birthday! And it's Christmas! What I want is for you to forget about your problems even it it's just for a day but you're making it harder for the two of us!"

I scoffed, my eyes narrowing at him. "Forget about my problems? Let me ask you this. Who is the one who started this shitfest?"

A hurt expression now rested on Eren's face like he just got stabbed by me. Shit, I know that what I did is a dick move. I shouldn't have said that. When will this stupid mouth stop spouting out whatever I'm thinking? Suddenly, I felt my throat dried before I forced out my words.

"Sorry. I didn't mean that." I looked away, feeling ashamed. There are times that being so fucking blunt wouldn't help you and will get you into so much fucking trouble.

"Levi." The way Eren said my name made me look back at him, surprised. The stern tone his voice held earlier was gone, replaced by a soft one, almost as if he's talking to a child. He was looking at me, the corner of his lips lifted up to form a small smile, the corner of his eyes a little bit wrinkled, his eyes having a kind of fond look in it. As I look at him, my heart clenched in ways that only him can trigger.

"It's okay. You don't need to say sorry." Lifting his right hand up, he moved it until it was hovering over my cheek but decided to put it back down before it came in contact with me. His hand fall back to his sides, clenching and unclenching, and to me it looked as if he's doing it to refrain himself from touching me.

In some way, watching him controlling himself around me brought a bitter taste to my tongue. He's known for being a stubborn, hot-headed and hard-headed bastard, so it wasn't like him to act so careful. It made him look like he was walking on eggshells, something that never went along the name Eren Yeager.

Sighing, he continued talking. "I know that it's my fault and I still blame myself everyday for hurting you. But I can't stay away from you, Levi. Hell, I know that going here after what happened last night- which is also my damn fault- is not a good idea, but I can't help it. I want to see you. I miss being with you, Levi. But it looks like I should just go home." He looked as if he's waiting for me to answer, to tell him that it's alright to stay, that I'm happy to see him, but I didn't. I stayed silent, not having any idea about what kind of expression my face bore because of the way my emotions are once again a mess.

Due to the lack of answer, he smiled at me again but this time, it's sad. The hope his eyes held earlier was extinguished all thanks to me and my silence. All that's left pooling in his eyes are sadness and longing. Making his decision, Eren let out a sigh before turning his back to me, disappointment evident on his face.

I know that I shouldn't let him be with me. I know that it'd be best if I'll just let him go. Watch him walk away from me, walk away from our past no matter how hard it was for him, for the both of us. Then maybe, just maybe, choosing Rein over him will be much more easier. But as I stood at my doorway, watching him walk away from me, I couldn't bear it. My heart is longing for him, for his presence, for his scent and warmth. No matter how much denial I put myself into, I couldn't let him go.