I'm Dead

Deangelo Penzance

"And talking of fancying people, what's this I hear about you and Germa Finnegan?" Al raised his eyebrow at Hugo, who was blushing furiously. Ron looked up in interest.

"Finnegan? Any relation of Seamus's?" he asked.

"He's her dad. And Lavender Brown's her mum," Al replied.

Ron's jaw dropped open. "Seamus marries Lavender? I knew he fancied her, but I didn't think anyone would actually be able to stand living with her!" Hugo and Al shared a look, amusement in their eyes. The irony was stifling. "They named their kid Germa?" Ron wrinkled up his nose in disgust. "Poor girl. Sounds like a disease."

"She is," Al said pleasantly. "I'm not even sure why Hugo worships her that much."

"I don't worship her! I don't even like her that much," Hugo protested, but even Ron could see through that lie.

"You like her enough to snog her face off," Al said nonchalantly. Hugo tried not to blush much more – in all honesty, he couldn't – as he met the onslaught of howling laughter.

"And there I was thinking you were a Hufflepuff through and through!" Harry exclaimed teasingly.

"He is. But he's also gullible," Al said matter-of-factly, earning him a half-hearted punch to the arm.

"Moving on," Hugo put in pointedly, "I haven't seen you around with anyone lately, Al. Of the opposite gender, I mean."

Al frowned obliviously. "I hang around with Rose all the time."

Hugo resisted the urge to facepalm. "I mean as in the me-and-Germa type of relationship."

"I… well – I'm not interested in anyone," Al said bluntly.

"We're starting to think he plays for the other team," Hugo said to Harry and Ron matter-of-factly. Ron burst out laughing, while Harry just looked horrified.

"I'm not!" Al was bright red, and furious, trying to splutter out an explanation. "I'm not gay!"

"Oh, really?" Hugo raised his eyebrows at him. "Are you sure about that, or is there something you and Scorpius need to tell Rose?"

Al was glaring at his cousin as fiercely as he could now, and Ron was struggling to breathe he was laughing so much. He had no idea where Hugo had got his sense of humour from, but he was glad it wasn't Hermione – not that he'd ever tell her that.

"I'll have you know I have dated plenty of girls!" Al insisted indignantly. "They're queuing up round the corner wherever I go, in fact!"

"Is that so? Funny, because I can only remember seeing you with one girl in your entire life." Ron wondered how Hugo kept a straight face as he kept this up. "What was she called again? Lauren Sommers?"

"Louise Sommers," Al corrected, "and I don't know why you're smiling like that. She was pretty."

"She looked like one of Peter Thomas' potions had blown up in her face and the surgery afterwards had gone horribly wrong," Hugo said. Harry and Ron caught each other's eye, remembering Seamus' disastrous attempts at potion-making and the unfortunate accident that was Eloise Midgen's face, and went off guffawing all over again.

"Alright, I get it! Maybe she wasn't that pretty! Can we please stop talking about my love life?" Al begged.

"What love life?" Hugo asked innocently, looking bewildered.

Al, seeing that there was no way for this to stop except to let the three of them get it all off their chest at his expense, stuffed a Chocolate Frog and sulked in the corner while Hugo, Ron and Harry had a good laugh about his miserable experience with affairs of the heart.