PRUNINGS: Thinning Black & White to Gray

Not That Hungry

SHANNA

They had sex sometime in the middle of the night and then again in the morning. Both times he was attentive and careful; both times her faking her pleasure and orgasm. The dishonesty felt wrong but her desire to please him and allow him pleasure won out making her feel very conflicted.

She sat at the table thinking as she poked at her eggs.

He isn't really satisfied. I know him, he needs it rough. He needs it to be hard and fast to get what he really desires.

Her eyes went to him and the minute he looked at her he smiled, but she looked away quickly.

We've had sex four times now, she thought. So sex is back in his system. His addiction is kicked into high gear no doubt so if I don't give him what he really needs and wants, he will get it somewhere else. Not because he doesn't love me, but because he can't help it. This marriage was a huge mistake.

Tears filled her eyes.

"Do you not like my eggs?" he asked.

She raised her head showing him her eyes and the tears within them. "I do, it's just—I'm not that hungry." Shanna could tell he saw the waterworks coming.

"Not hungry, huh?"

Shaking her head, she tried to smile.

"Or maybe"—his chin dipped down—"you're worrying about something you don't need to worry about. Maybe you're sitting across the table from a man who loves you so much that any way he gets to touch you is more than sufficient to satisfy him."

She laughed once as the tears officially came and she dropped her head down a little. "How did you get so smart? I mean, you used to be a such a dumbass."

He laughed loudly.

"I'm sorry, you weren't a dumbass. I'm just trying to be funny."

"Yes I was, and it was funny."

Their eyes met.

"I love you and only you. The sex was wonderful and I'm feeling fine with my addiction. Now eat your eggs or you are going to hurt my feelings."

"Feelings? You have feelings?" she said scrunching her face.

A blankness hit his face, then he shot out of his chair towards her with a smile. "That's it! You're going down."

She screamed as she launched herself out of her own chair to escape him but he was too fast. Down on the floor, he began tickling her.

"Say you're sorry," he said.

Laughing she said, "I'm sorry—your eggs aren't as good as mine."

"Ohhhh," he said pretending offense, increasing the tickle waggle of his fingers. "Tell me I'm the king of the world."

Still giggling out of control she said, "You're the king—of the dumbasses."

"Uhhhh, is that how it is?" More pretend offense came as he grabbed her wrists and pinned her down, his chest just above hers.

Settling from her giggles she said, "Well, you're a dumbass who is now smart so that makes you the king of them. And trust me, you don't want to be king of the world. That's satan and he is the biggest dumbass I know. It would be a step backwardsly for you."

He thought for a moment. "Good point, but I'm still going to tickle you." He started again making her giggle and kick more. "Wait, did you just say backwardsly?"

Shanna grinned. "Yes. It's a word my friend Mina's mom uses. What? You don't like it?"

"For some reason I'm envisioning a duck with its head in a toilet."

"That's odd."

"Not any more odd then backwardsly."

"True."

He lowered his lips to her. "I love you."

"You better, you're stuck with me for life now."

He kissed her again. "Are you going to go talk to the doctor?"

She nodded.

"I want you to be comfortable and if you're not, there might be something wrong. I want to take care of you. It's my job so expect me to bug you until you go."

She nodded again. "Okay, I need to find a new doctor though. Mina's mom was my OBGYN but they are moving to Minnesota."

"We need to get you added to my insurance anyway, so let me take care of that this week and then you should be good to find a new one."

"Okay."

"Now, you need to eat. Don't think I haven't noticed how much weight you have lost since high school. I have a feeling that isn't a coincidence."

He really does see me. I see him and he sees me.