OPERATION: Make Ligaw to him

Twenty-seventh Move

"Hindi ko iyon plinano kasama si Vince. I didn't ask him to do that to Honey. He did that by himself. I have nothing to do with his actions," wika niya.

I laughed sarcastically. "Really now? Walang kinalaman? Pero may connection kayo ni Vince, you cannot deny that. So why leave yourself out of this? Huwag mo ng pagtakpan ang sarili mo. Either you blame it on someone else, you're still at fault."

Hindi niya sinabi saking magkakilala pala sila ni Vince. She made me a fool!

"Bakit ba pinagpipilitan mong ako? Dahil ba sa sinabi ni Honey sa iyo? You still choose her over me?"

"Why wouldn't I? I've known her all my life. Bakit hindi siya ang kakampihan ko? You're just a mere stranger to me."

I saw how she was hurt. I saw how her eyes water with what I just said. And I wanted to curse myself for taking it too far- No, this is better. Mas madali ko lang siyang makakalimutan. I don't intend to keep this feeling forever. It was meant to be over.

"S-Stranger? Akala ko ba gusto mo ako? Y-You even said it. Tapos ngayon sasabihin mong stranger lang ako para sayo? Is this your way of getting back at me? I thought you're better than this," mangiyak-iyak niyang wika. Umiwas na lang ako ng tingin dahil hindi ko siya kayang matingnan. And the words I just spit out was the one I regretted the most.

"Wala akong sinabing gusto kita. You merely concluded. I just did all of that to satisfy your affection towards me. I was just playing around."

She didn't speak. She was shocked. Her tears began to flow. Pinagsisisihan kong sabihin yun. It just came out. I wanted to take it back. That's the most messed-up lie that I have ever created. It wasn't true.

But I guess she believed it.

"P-Playing around? Anong akala mo sakin, laruan?" mabagal niyang wika. She cannot control her tears anymore. Tumalikod lang siya at bahagyang pinunasan ang tumulo niyang luha. "You made feel all of those things but it was all a lie. Ni hindi mo man lang ba ako nagustuhan? You think I'm playing around with you?"

Napaiwas na lang ako ng tingin. Ayoko siyang tingnan. Ayoko siyang nakikitang nasasaktan. I'm a jerk. I hated myself for this.

Akala ko sasampalin niya ako. Pero walang nangyari. She was just standing where she was. I lifted up my gaze. I can't read her emotions right now.

"I give up..." Mas nasaktan ako sa binitiwan niyang salita. Pero hindi ko pinahalata. "Pagod na ako. I did everything for you to notice me. Pinaliwanag ko na ang side ko pero wala pa ring silbi. Dahil palaging siya ang pipiliin mo. Sino nga ba naman ako? Ako lang naman yung taong sumigaw sa harap ng maraming tao para patunayan sayo na mahal kita. Ako lang naman yung tiniis ang lahat para lang mapansin mo ako, para hindi mapagtabuyan. Ako lang naman yung sumubok na palitan siya pero wala pa ring kwenta... dahil nakatuon lang sa isa ang atensyon mo. Hindi ko nga alam kung bakit ikaw pa ang napili ko. Yung taong kahit kailan hindi ako mapili.

Masakit. Tiniis ko yun dahil akala ko kahit konti man lang may nagawa akong pagbabago dyan. Akala ko lang pala. Pasensya na kung sobra kang nakulitan sakin. Akala ko kasi pagka ginawa ko yun, masasanay ka sa presensya ko. Pasensya na kung pinagpipilitan ko ang sarili ko sayo. Akala ko kasi nagugustuhan mo na ako. Pasensya na kung minahal kita. Akala ko kasi mahal mo rin ako."

She wiped her last tears. Why do I feel like I won't see her after this? Gusto kong bawiin yung sinabi ko. Pero hindi pa ako nakakapagsalita ay nakagawa na siya ng desisyon.

"Ito na ang huli nating pagkikita. Hindi na kita guguluhin. Hindi ko na ipagsisiksikan ang sarili ko kung ayaw mo talaga. I'll forget all of this. I'll forget all those days that I've spent chasing you. I'll forget everything. Pati itong nararamdaman ko. This was all just a dream turned to a nightmare. It was just a waste of time. Sorry. Hinding-hindi na kita guguluhin pa."