The Devil's One and Only Love ★

FortyFive-After That

"tanggalin mo yung gitna nyang tinapay parang ganito." pinakita ko kay Laz yung itsura.

nung nagawa na namin. nilagay ko yun sa tig iisang plato namin saka binuhusan ng soup.

"Lintek! ang galing! san mo natutunan yan?!" manghang manghang sabi nya.

"Kay Celine. mahilig magluto yung sister in law ko eh." i answered and took two plates with me.

"Sa kanya nalang kaya ako magpaturo?" nakangising sabi nya. i chuckled softly.

"Kung papayag si Kuya Andrei. parang si Adam din yun. oa makapagbakod."

nilapag ko yung isang hawak ko sa harap ni Steven tapos yung isa kay Jace.

"Mukhang masarap." nakangising sabi ni Jace.

"Masarap yan. syempre." sagot ko sa kanya saka kinuha yung isang hawak ni Laz.

"Hoy Lazaro. sa tech team ka na. si Xavier nalang dito." matabang na sabi ni Steven kay Laz.

"Hoy bakit?!" tanong ni Laz.

"Nilalandi mo si Alexis." matabang na sabi nya.

"Shut up." matabang na sabi ko sa kanya. "Can we just eat?"

buti naman at madali silang kausap.

pagkatapos kumain naghugas na ng plato yung dalawa ako naman nakaupo sa sofa paharap sa glass wall

now that the sparks were gone. i realized that what we did was wrong.

it should never really happened in the first place.

para lang akong nadarang ng emosyon.

nadarang? WHAT THE FVCK?!

napangiwi nalang ako.

i dont even know if i'm safe. what if i get pregnant? for sure papanagutan naman yun ni Steven but the thing is. hanggang kelan nanaman kami ganito.

call me coward but i dont know if i can trust Steven again. i'm in doubt.

"anung iniisip mo?" mahinang sabi ni Steven saka umupo sa likod ko. niyakap nya ko sa bewang kasi nasa gitna na ko ng hita nya.

"i think we need to talk."

"Sure, tungkol saan?"

"About what happened last night." alanganin sabi ko.

"Lets get married." he said.

"ayokong magpakasal." mahinang sabi ko saka umiling.

"Hindi ako papayag." mariing sabi nya. sumeryoso yung boses nya.

"But we cant get married just because something happened to us."

"Magpapakasal tayo!" tumaas yung boses nya.

"Teka lang. makinig ka muna sakin." pakiusap ko sa kanya. tumayo na ko para tumingin sa kanya.

"No, Alexis. ikaw ang makinig sakin." mariing sabi nya saka tumayo. "dont you dare tell me this is just Sex! i never had sex eversince i met you so dont you dare give me that bullshit!" tumaas yung tono nya.

"kasi di ako sigurado ngayon!" i shouted back. napatigil sya.

"I dont wanna commit the same mistake i did before, Steven. ganitong ganito yun. you asked me to marry you and next thing i knew you left me all alone. i dont want that to happen again."

"But i wont do it again." mahinang sabi nya.

"and i cant trust your words for that." malungkot na sabi ko. "You planted fear in my heart, Steven."

"I'm sorry." he whispered.

"I know. and i'm sorry too. coz no matter how many time i tell myself that its okay. it wont happen again my heart wont buy it." pinunasan ko yung luha ko.

"i dont wanna live the life where i'm always scared of losing you."

napalunok sya saka ngumiti ng mapait. "i'm sorry for what i did before."

i smiled softly went inside our room.

***

"Tama ba yung ginawa ko?" mahinang sabi ko kay Sammy.

"hindi ko alam, Alex. ikaw lang nakakaalam ng nararamdaman mo. but if you thats what you feel then who are we to judge?"

"Thanks Sam." mahinang sabi ko.

"Its nothing. okay ka lang ba jan?" tanong nya. ang alam nila Sammy dito ako sa condo ko sa empress tumutuloy. yun lang. i didnt tell them about the threat.

"yeah. i'm fine." i answered.

"You promise to call me if you need anything okay?"

i smiled softly. "I promise. thank you so much Sam."

"I told you its nothing. I love you Alex."

"I love you too. sige na. i have to go."

"Okay. i'll see you soon." she said and ended the call.

napabuntong hininga nalang ako saka tumingin sa glass wall. down to the citylights of Manila. ganun katagal na kong nandito.

ang sama ko bang tao?

pero nagpapakatotoo lang ako.

mahirap mabuhay sa buhay na lagi nalang akong takot. na baka bukas iba nanaman ang ihip ng hangin.

mahirap maiwan. mahirap yung pakiramdam na wala akong makapitan bukod sa sarili ko.

the first time i attached myself to someone i barely know and he ended up leaving me without any explanation.

ayoko nang mangyari ulit yun kasi mahirap.

"Naiintindihan ko naman." mahinang sabi ni Steven mula sa likod ko. "You have every reason not to trust me."

"Iniwan kita sa araw ng kasal natin. nagkaroon ako ng iba pagkatapos nun pero hindi kita binigyan ng paliwanag." lumingon ako sa kanya. "i cant blame you if think you dont have anything to do with me. i'll understand."

"kahit mabagal kahit matagal. kahit gano kahirap. i'll earn your trust again. i'll prove you that i'm worth it. i'll do everything. just promise me you'll stay this time." mangiyak ngiyak na sabi nya. i bit my lips and wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him.

"wag mo na kong iwan ulit." he said in a broken voice and buried his face on my neck.

"i wont. lets take things slow this time." i said softly and touched his cheeks.