Attenuated || Book 1 || ✔

·{ Prologue }·

All my life I was told I wasn't good enough.

Too fat.

Too dumb.

Too pale.

Too lazy.

Too weak.

These words were drilled into my mind, the first one being the one most said to me. It was the one I tried to change the most.

I ate all the meals I was supposed to, but immediately threw them up when no one watching. Eventually the lack of nutrition got to me and I ended up in the hospital, not only that, but all my friends became disgusted with me. They hadn't even suspected anything before I ended up in the hospital. I knew people talked about how skinny and weak I was, but my 'friends' never questioned it.

We left that town, we as in my mother, sister, and me. We left because people started up rumors of why I was like that, it gave my mother a bad reputation because she could have 'prevented' it. She caused it. She was the one who drilled those words in my head.

When we got settled down in a nice town in the country of North Carolina I started my life back up again. I was still known as the scrawny weak kid in my grade, but at least I wasn't as skinny as I used to be. Over my years of junior high I gained weight.

Then my life went down hill again. My mother started back up with the insults and the kids at school did too. Apparently I was too fat now. People just can't make up their mind, can they?

At the beginning of eighth grade I started working out instead of starving myself. Turning that fat into muscle.

By the end of ninth grade I had done just that, I was no longer weak. I was no longer too skinny or too fat.

In my spare time I worked out or studied because now I needed to be smart. That was the next on the list. I had read ahead in my books and got ahead in classes, even qualified for honors.

The next on the list was pale. I tried to become you know less pale, but I ended up burning so I kind of crossed it out and dealt with it.

Lazy was crosses out a long time ago, I never had time anymore to sit on my ass and do nothing. I had troubles sitting still actually, my leg would bounce in class or I would tap my desk. Never able to sit still because I wanted to get up and do something active.

I thought I did a pretty good job with getting my life together, but then we went and moved again. To Canada we went to live in a country town in Ontario. It was nice for a day ot two until my mother tried to come up with new insults to put me down. I thought it'd just be that, but she took it to a whole new level. Before she would try to hurt me emotionally, now she does physically.

She still throws her lame insults down on me as she beats me. None of them really affecting me, well none of them, but the word 'fat'. That word always reminded me of my old ways and how I almost got myself killed. Out of habit whenever I hear that simple word I gag even if it's not directed at me. If it is though, I go to the bathroom and empty my stomach. I won't eat anything else after that.

I know I shouldn't let a simple word effect me so much, but it does. I try to stop myself from running to a bathroom. I do, I just don't have enough mental strength to stop myself.

Huh. I guess I am still weak.