Scream and be Free (Zac Hanson)

Chapter Twenty

"Nutterbutter desert you, did he?" Brielle giggled. Zac had become very attached to the dog, the two were practically inseparable. It was rather cute, although Jenna found it slightly annoying that Zac had taken over her dog.

"Something like that." Zac answered with a slight shrug. "Besides, I figured you could use some company."

Not answering, Brielle continued to shower. Taking her silence as a cue to keep going, Zac did just that.

"I feel like I never see you, unless we're in an argument, or we have kids hanging off of us. I don't want things to be that way. I want us to be..." Zac paused, drawing a slight breath. "Us."

It was a fair statement, Brielle reached for the soap, not sure of what to say or how to react to Zac's admission. Was he saying he wanted things to change? Didn't he realize they wouldn't go back to what they had been? They could drop all of the petty drama and arguments, but they were never going to be the same sappy newly-weds that they had been. Searching Brielle's face, Zac's eyes flickered over hers, his hand running over her wet arm. Silently he was screaming, begging her to say something. The silence was killing him.

"You're scaring me." Brielle whispered, slowly pulling away. "One minute we're happy, talking about the future and the next...we're back to not speaking. What's going on?"

"I uh, I went to see Kate." Zac didn't make eye contact, he stood staring straight ahead, his line of vision bypassing his wife. "I know why Shep isn't allowed to be here."

"W-what did I do?" Brielle asked, gently gripping the bottle of body wash that she held.

"You didn't do anything wrong, you were only being yourself. I guess some people don't like it when others are just being themself." Zac admitted, placing his hands on her shoulders. "I love you, I mean it every time I tell you that."

"Sometimes it doesn't feel like you do. Sometimes, a lot of the time, I wonder why we bothered." This was not the relaxing morning shower Brielle had hoped for at all. "Now you give me all of this, I'm not sure what to make of the sudden mood changes."

Her words cut deep, they hurt too. They stung because it was the truth. Zac knew he was a lousy husband, he tired his best but ever since the drama with Kate started taking place he had disconnected himself. He had disconnected from his wife and his children.

"No sudden changes, I felt you needed me to say that and so I said it. I wanted to try and remember what it was like before all of this. How we felt, how we interacted, how we seemed to care about one another." Zac went on. "If you wanted to leave me, I won't tell you that you can't. I will however do everything in my power to try and fight it."

She swallowed hard, Brielle was certain he could hear her hear thudding against her ribcage. Zac was terrifying her, how could he expect to say these things to her and not have her left in a fit of tears? She didn't want to have this conversation, not now. Why was it whenever they were together for more than five minutes things took the same turn?

"I've come to realize that even when we fight, or we don't speak, we still have that spark. I guess that is what makes our arguments so heated. We're not mad at one another, we're only passionate. Maybe we need to find other ways to get our views and frustration with one another out?"

"Zac, I'm not going to leave you." Brielle spoke quietly, her voice was barely heard about the water running from the shower. . "I don't think I could bring myself to ever do that. Never has leaving you crossed my mind in any of this."

Hearing that she had no plans to leave left Zac feeling like some sort of brick had been taken off of his chest.

"Maybe I'm stupid, but I hadn't even thought of leaving you. I don't see what it would accomplish. If I leave, I am miserable."