Selcouth • Grayson Dolan

| 04 | Back To The Old Days

W A R N I N G:

The following chapter contains drug abuse and self-harm.

[Note: I do not intend to encourage people to harm themselves nor offend anyone who suffers depression and/or anxiety. Please DO NOT cut or hurt yourself in any way. There is a bunch of people that love you even if you feel like there isn't. Cutting is not the solution. Please stay away from all the razors. You're worth it. Don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise.
Stay strong. Ily.]

○●○●

"We hold on to the past
cause we miss what it was
Don't wanna feel so we try numbin this pain with these drugs
I'm living in a world so fake,
I lost touch of the real me

-Fake Smiles, Phora

××××

c h a p t e r f o u r

back to the old days

Time had passed by quicker than I could remember. I was inside, surrounded by desperate teens, alcoholics and random people doing and inhaling the same stuff.

I had told Joanne that I was fine and that she could go home, even if I knew I wasn't.

I felt nothing. Nothing at all. I felt numb to the pain, the aching inside of me. Grayson had finally moved on, and I haven't.

The party had begun hours ago, as I recall but last time I checked, 1am was marked on the clock.

I did not know who's house was this, nor who had organized the party. I simply needed something more than a couple cigarettes to reach that feeling of ecstasy, to get rid all of my problems for the night, at least.

I hoped for the liquor to eliminate the constant repetitive scenes that were little by little driving me crazy.

Not even whatever I had in my cup was enough.

I sat down, legs propped on the small, wooden coffee table before me, and sighed deeply, staring into space.

I had been so used to drinking and smoking that it seemed like it didn't affect me anymore. As if my body had known those chemicals for so long, it had become immune to them.

"Look who's here" I heard someone say behind me.

I rolled my eyes and took another puff of my small cigarette. Certainly, I was not in the mood to talk or give fake smiles.

"Sup girl? I was not expecting you here" The same deep, hoarse voice said. I turn my head to see Sammy, with a huge smile on his face.

My lips crack a sudden smile in surprise. "Oh hey" I greeted him. He leaned in to give me a hug.

"How did you get here?" He asked, throwing himself on the sofa, which was situated right next to mine.

"Honestly, I have no idea" I chuckled, chugging what was left of my cup.

"Heartbroken?" He raised an eyebrow. An amused smirk playing on the corner of his lips.

My smile dropped at the words and I took another puff, looking away as I fought the tears.

"No." I lied.

I had always been good at lying. But this time, it was just not working. It was too obvious, since Sammy had noticed first sight.