Finding My Way

Chapter 16

"What was I... Oh, seatbelt."

I put my seatbelt on before starting my car. Before I left out the driveway, I bowed my head to say a little prayer. I have an almost two hour drive ahead of me, anything could happen. I try to have little conversations with God often anyways.

I took a deep breath then left home.

After about ten minutes of being on the Interstate, my phone started vibrating. I reached in my purse to get it. It seems like someone always calls me when I'm driving.

"Hello?"

"Hey baby girl. I'm sorry I didn't answer your calls last night. I just woke up a few minutes ago."

I sighed.

"It's okay Raheem."

"You're mad at me, huh? I know I'm not the best boyfri-"

"How could you even begin to say something like that? Raheem, they say no one is perfect, but you are perfect for me. What kind of person would I be if I got mad at you for not answering me? I know exhaustion hits you hard. I can't get mad over something you can't control."

I turned on my signal light then looked to my right before switching lanes.

"I know, but Adrianna... You deserve someone better than me. You deserve someone who won't return your calls twelve hours later. You deserve someone who can be there for you when you need them to be. You need someone who isn't... You just deserve better."

Do I hear him crying?! He can't be serious. Usually he's so positive. I wonder why he's been downing himself so bad lately. Is there something he isn't telling me or something?

"Raheem please stop!" I wiped a tear from my cheek. "I don't care what you think I need! Let me tell you what I need, I need for you to not lose your faith. You did not ask to be sick. You did not ask to be tired a lot. You didn't ask for any of it. No one asks for it, it's simply something that just happens. I have been wanting to be with you for so long Raheem. My love for you is forever instilled in my heart. I am still so deeply in love with you that it hurts me when you put yourself down. We have to be strong for each other, okay?"

"I just don't want you to leave me Adrianna, but I feel like if I don't straighten up you may get tired of me."

The next exit just so happened to be my exit. I got off the Interstate and drove to the nearest gas station so I can stop. He has me so emotional. That's how I know I truly care about this man.

"Raheem I don't think you are hearing me. I am yours. I accept you for you, all of you. You are going to have some good days, and you'll have some bad days. You can't control it physically, but you can at least keep a positive attitude about it. I know that might not be an easy thing to do, but you have to at least try. I am not Bianca. I will never do anything that cold to you. I could never hurt you like that baby boy."

I'm sure that's some of why he's worried too. Bianca is just a heartless bitch. If she didn't wanna be with Raheem because of his circumstances, she should have just broke up with him. She didn't have to cheat on him like that.

"Dri... I know. I'm just afraid for what the future has in store for us. I mean what if something ha-"

I don't know exactly what he's gonna say but I don't think I want to know.

"Let's not worry about the future baby. Let's just take it a day at a time, okay?"

"I love you so much Adrianna."

"I love you too Raheem. Now, smile."

He faintly chuckled. "You are phenomenal, Adrianna."

We talked a little more before we ended the call. I can tell he really cheered up, which is good. He got all worked up for nothing. I didn't just tell him what he needed to hear, I told him the truth.

I took a few minutes to get myself together before I got back on the road. Twenty minutes later, I arrived to the place. I figure I can't have anything with me, so before I went in the building, I put my purse in my trunk.

When I walked in and went through signing in and all that stuff then I got escorted into a room. "Table six.'

I can't even see numbers on any of the damn tables, but I can easily assume that table six is the vacant table in the back.

I sat down and waited for at least ten minutes until he came into view. He looks fairly the same after all these years, he's clearly aged though. He's a muscular, light skinned, tall guy with a bald head and no facial hair. I slowly stood up and deeply exhaled, watching him walk over to me.

"Hey Adrianna, I'm so glad you came to see."

He wrapped his arms around me for the first time in eleven years, causing tears to fall down my cheeks.

"I missed you Papa Bear." I used to call him that all the time when I was young.

He pulled away from the hug and wiped my tears. "I missed you too princess. You look so beautiful Adrianna. Nineteen, wow."

We sat down and started making small talk. At first he was just asking me about things like how life has been and stuff. I didn't even bother saying anything about Malcolm. That's over, there's nothing my dad could do about what went down, I just don't really feel like talking about it.

"So, how's your mother?"

"Actually, dad, I haven't talked to her in a few weeks. We just kinda... fell out."

"Why? What happened?"

A bunch of shit happened..

"Umm, I kinda don't want to talk about it."

There was an awkward pause in our conversation. I really want to ask him about what happened that one night, but I kinda wonder if he'll yell me about it.

"So I'm sure your mother never told you why I was so furious with her the night that... you know..."

It's almost as if he read my mind.

"Not really, no. She just said that you were a bad person and stuff. She never gave a specific reason." I nervously started fidgeting with my fingers. "Umm, w- was there one?"

He was reclining in his chair, but he sat up straight. His facial expression changed. I can't tell if he's angry or sad.

"I thought that bitch would have told you the truth by now. There is no easy way to say this, but it's something you should know."

By saying that he just mad me even more nervous. I have no idea whatsoever about what he might be about to tell me. Knowing Marcille, it could be anything.

He leaned over to grab one of my hands in his.

"Your mother had Arianna when we were young. We both, not just me, dropped out of school so we could provide for our child. My folks didn't approve of Marcille. Marcille's mother was furious with her, but she helped us out a little. We had hard times, but our love stayed strong through it all. Ten years later, you were born. We were at a pretty good place in our lives, so I thought. Okay, so years later, I ended up losing my job. That's when her true colors came out. She just started acting funny and stuff. Let me shorten the story, I caught her having sex with a man who I thought was suppose to be my best friend. She claimed that was the only time, he told me it had been going on the whole time Marcille and I were together. On the night I found out the results of the two DNA tests I had to get, I flipped out on her. That's what lead up to that night. One test was good, the other wasn't."

A deep pain shot through my chest. I put my shaky hand over my mouth as tears left my eyes. What is he trying to tell me right now, because if my test was the 'good' one, he wouldn't be in full blown tears right now.