Kaylee's Critiques [CLOSED]

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WHERE IS HIS NUMBER? I NEED HIS NUMBER. Haha

You are a very talented author. And very clever! Everything was worded brilliantly, and the fact you have the pizza guy always hiding behind his cap makes me wonder what he's hiding, he's hiding something!

Or this could be what you want us to think and he's actually a completely normal human being that ends up in compromising situations o.0 I DON'T KNOW.

I want to know :(

I don't like you. You're breaking me. I'm never this nice in critiques. There's nothing for you to improve on except release his number to the public.

Scratch that, just to me ;-)

Reading on!

Chapter 3

Oh the feels! You're making this so hard. Lola is such a sweet, caring and lovely girl and for you to describe what she has to go through was heart-breaking. I love how in each chapter you have these completely different characters from all walks of life, all finding hope and love through this one guy who may or may not be real.

It's such a powerful message that you're bringing out. Not that we should all hope for a pizza delivery guy to save us, but that there'll always be one person in our lives that we can trust and depend on. And reading this made me think of that person, and what friendship, trust and happiness means.

God you're making me go deep now.

Seriously, stop it.

I liked that we got a little more story in this chapter. We know that the pizza guy doesn't just come once, and for those that really need him, he'll be there for years. And bless her for thinking that she's annoying him or that he's had enough of her calls, I'd like to think he'll always watch over her. And I hope she gets taken away from that evil and soulless household and into the arms of a family that will love her for the uniqueness that she is.

No one should be made to feel ashamed of being intersex. Or transsexual or having a birth defect. 

You're making me explore so many emotions in these chapters. From humor to heart-break to hunger. << that should be the book's tag line! Haha

The pace is great, and when he held her when she cried, a little of me got jealous but the bigger part of me let it go.... for now! ;-D

Chapter 4

Again, there's nothing I can say bad about it. I'm engrossed by every character, every interaction between them and the pizza guy, and how they're all going through a struggle they need help with. I'm starting to believe that pizza guy is just a normal pizza guy who is oblivious to all the lives he's actually changing. He likes his job because he gets to meet all these people that somehow in that moment need him, no matter how big or small that problem is. 

The mystery in this is something I've not yet read, it's not like a thriller mystery but a captivating, simple mystery, with a veil hanging over it. It's very easy to lose yourself into these chapters and to read between the lines. 

You as an author, have a very good gift of giving advice through your characters. 

In this chapter it sends the message of getting back up when you fall, and not letting statistics ruin your future. Just because you start your dream late, doesn't mean you have to end it early. The only thing that's making me a little annoyed is not getting to know what happens afterwards haha could you write like an "afterwards" book of what happens to each character after their encounter with pizza guy, because I really want to know that they're all okay :(

I wish there was more people like pizza guy in the world. People that care, that won't hold back caring because the face before them is a stranger.

I love having the chapters tell a different story. You can go endless with it, and you can truly break some hearts and give people hope.

Just, well done. Well. Done.

Chapter 5

And...breathe!

I was NOT expecting that ending! What a twist!!! It was all so cleverly written, like MAJORLY cleverly written. A guy thinks his roommate is too stupid to talk to, ironically his roommate is mean towards him because he likes him and they've wasted years because one wouldn't talk and the other wouldn't confess.

Haha, I love it!!

How do you come up with these? Like, there needs to be a new genre just made up for this book. 

I loved the "stupid" lesson in this chapter between the pizza guy and Malcolm. He made some really good points. What actually defines us as smarter than someone else? Just because someone else seems "stupid" doesn't mean they are, they could know things we don't, we can always learn something from someone else. I admire you for translating your own views through your character, you must really see the good and beauty in the world to make a book like this. 

Because it's in third person, some times it can be confusing with who is speaking before you introduce the names, so maybe work on that a little. I'd introduce the main character at the beginning because we can know their name before an introduction. It'd just lessen the confusion. That's the only critique I will give you for improvements. 

Literally, every time the pizza guy starts speaking I feel like he knows exactly what the situation is and exactly what to say. It's like he can't slip up, everything he says is for good reason. I really want to know more about him. What does he do in his spare time? Is there other pizza guys he hangs out with? Is he actually a broke college drop out that spends his nights with a bottle of beer sulking at romance films? 

I know that giving away this information takes away the impact of the story, but ahhhhh!!!!!!!

WHY DOES NO ONE TIP HIM? Tip that guy!

And why is his face always hidden? Someone that the cap off that guy! I want to see his face :(

You've done such an amazing job with creating this story and writing in such a way that brings out the 3 H's. 

From humor, to heart-break, to hunger < remember it people!

Thank you so much for requesting a critique from me, reading this has relaxed me and it has been a great experience. This is the type of book that I can see people writing fan fictions of. Hell, even I want to write a fan fiction on it. 

But I do recommend (for people that need closure like myself) maybe at the end write a short chapter about what every character did after. Like:

Malcolm and Fred spent all night talking, became good friends, started dating, and still remain to be in love.

Like that kind of thing??? :)

It'd be so cool to know that the pizza guy made their lives better! Because we never saw the aftermath of his wisdom. 

I'll be continuing this! 

And I'll be waiting patiently for pizza guy's number....

Amazing!

Overall: 8.5/10 

(.5 deducted because I don't like the cover, sorry)

Recommended: Uh, yes! If you don't read this then what is life?