Kaylee's Critiques [CLOSED]

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Book Title: Pizza Delivery 

Review: Payment 

Note: So sorry for the delay! Thank you for being patient!<3

Chapter 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

Chapter 1

Oh wow. I wasn't expecting it to be like that at all! It's different, definitely unique. There's a slight hint at magic there, could it be real?? Is the pizza guy magical? I really want to know :-O

It was so adorable how he focused all of his attention on Cynthia, like he was Grace and Jason's therapist trying to make them realize how much they mean to each other THROUGH her. You said at the beginning that this is a type of story with no directional plot... but I kind of disagree. The plot actually stands out to be so powerful and emotional in this one chapter. A couple that are going through struggles and a daughter that will do anything to keep them together. I know the story may not follow them, but because they're included in your story, it still makes me as a reader connect. And to me, that's a plot. Even if it's not throughout.

Does that even make sense? o.0 I just read it back and I'm not sure aha

The pizza guy is kind of like a Nanny Mcphee for adults. Cynthia reminded me of my nephew, they're the same age so some of the things she came out with I hear from my nephew all the time, and that's great child character development. Because as adults it's hard for us to write in children, because we want their mental awareness to be felt by the reader, and I felt it!! It was so sweet and lovely. 

I liked the dynamic of your writing, where one moment I was laughing or grinning and the next I was like "No, don't leave, aw!" and that's a very powerful talent to use as a writer, don't take it for granted ;-)

It all flowed nicely, there was so much information in just one chapter. It was like I knew their whole lives in one go, and that, again, is rare to find!

I was impressed by your vocabulary, and your descriptions. I imagined it all clearly.

Only one grammar issue throughout, remember to include a comma before addressing a name in dialogue :)

This pizza guy deeply intrigues me. Does he just go around saving lives and uniting people? 

One more important question - do you have his number??? I'm hungry ;)

Aha, on a serious note, it was great! I'm excited for more!

Chapter 2

You just made me fall in love with a fictional pizza guy. 

WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO ME?

This book is addictive and incredible. I've never read anything like it. The entire chapter made pizza not sound like a real word anymore, but WOW. The way you use metaphors is inspired, I genuinely thought the conversation was about pizza but then you have a way with words where you twist it into a valuable lesson. And then you make me question my own sanity because I actually enjoyed a chapter about pizza hahahaha

I can't even describe how insane, mental but amazing this was. 

I feel confused, emotional for Andy, crushing on the pizza guy, and deeply hungry. Oh so hungry.