The Open Canvas

Part 1

Wouldn't you say most lives are like an open canvas? Filled to the brim with endless potential but none of it is ever used. I realized one day that that was the life i was living. One of pointlessness and mediocrity.

I believe I first took note of my shallow existence when I was around fourteen. It was a lunch day at school and the mindless droning that was the conversation was so bland and pointless it depressed me. Always about shallow stupid things; sports, T.V., social gatherings, what who thought of who, it was all samey.

What happened to making strides in new territory and trying to find new experiences? When did we all become sole appreciators if other peoples work? Why did people stop learning and just stay in their shrouded curtain of ignorance.   

After that epiphany enjoyment in life became harder to come across. I gradually lost most of my friends over time until i was left with just one, Gabe, someone i didn't and don't even really like that much but he tolerated my rudeness and constant sarcasm so he was pretty much the only person i talked to that was outside of my immediate family.

After about three years of sinking deeper and deeper into some sort of bottomless bog of self anguish and depression, i began to have darker thoughts. Granted, i found the prospect of taking a toaster into the bathtub humorous, i also knew that it was probably not a normal way of thinking.

I thought, against my better judgment, to share my thoughts with my father and mother. My fathers face got stoney and expressionless, as it always does with harshly emotional situations. My mother basically collapsed and started crying, although i could see a small amount of futile resistance toward the endless stream of tears running down her face.

Naturally, instead of trying to talk about the situation and find out how i feel, they sent me to a therapist within a week. I hate that patronizing idiot.

I never saw the point of trying to talk about personal problems to a person that's getting paid to listen to you. I'm sure they have and do good work, but for someone like me they're just annoying with their fake compassion.

So that was all happening i was transferred to a new school because i was failing all the classes in my last one due to me not trying at all. My parents thought i was failing everything because i had poor teachers. I tried to tell them that I was the problem but they refused to listen and plopped me down into a new environment. I hated them for that.

That's how i felt back then anyways. Now i love them for it, even if the reason for my joy wasn't a direct cause of them. Now you may be thinking, why do you love your parents for ignoring you and ripping you from a school you'd been going to for two and a half years. Well i happened to meet that reason for all my future happiness there.

Daisy. I never liked that name. I don't really consider "names" like Daisy or Rose to be good titles for people but regardless, she was a magnificent human being.

When i first went to the new school, i spent the whole day sulking and avoiding eye contact with everyone i could. Honesty, people just bothered me constantly no matter how nice or "empathic" they were. I put quotations there because they never knew how I actually felt, they'd just TRY to understand without ever actually experiencing what i do every day.

So anyways that was how the first two weeks of school went for me. Wake up, try to ignore five-hundred people for seven hours, then come home and sleep. My existence was pitiful, but i didn't see any reason to futally try and give it shallow meaning. That was, until one day a shockingly not overly happy or enthusiastic girl approached me one day at lunch.

"Hey," a voice called out to me. The tone of her voice was the first thing that grabbed my interest. It wasn't filled with pity or slight embarrassment for talking to me, it was inquisitive.

I had been trying to sleep though lunch (i tried to sleep as much as possible) so I was initially annoyed, but also slightly curious of what she had to say. Which, trust me, was a big deal for me. I lazily lifted my head and opened my eyes. The girl in front of me was a simple but cute girl, with long straight brown hair and eyes. Her face was soft and oddly inviting, almost comforting without effort. She looked down at me, eyebrows slightly creased as if she was solving a math problem.

"What?" I asked in the most bitter voice i could conjure. I was compulsively try to shoo her away despite the fact that she was the first person to intrigue me in ages.

She didn't look at all fazed by tone, it was almost like she expected it. This aggravated me but also pulled me in more. Most people's ego would be shot if they tried to approach the freak without a friend and got shot down after saying one word, but not her.

"Why do you always sit by yourself?"

"Because i want to," i said flatly.

A small smirk popped up on her face. "Well no kidding, WHY do you want to?"

I narrowed my eyes at her. I had seen people try this on me before. Trying to make me come out of my shell and realize the world is rainbows and unicorns. I wasn't gonna fall into that.

"Don't try and figure me out. I'm not a science experiment."

She shrugged, "Never said you were." She pulled up and chair and sat down, neatly crossing her legs. " i just wanna see if we have anything in common."

I was confused by what she meant. Nobody had ever said that before. Not sure what to say or think, I nodded hoping I was keeping my salty exterior.

"So", she leaned forward and looked at me confidently in the eye, "Why do you always sit alone?