Astoria

f o r t y - f i v e

She watched as Antony glanced at Kade before turning back to face her. "I understand that with circumstances being what they have been, what with Nash's capture and the attack on Dunkirk, you might be uncomfortable with making certain decisions. I leave the choice to accept or decline my offer completely up to you. However, I have one other purpose in coming."

She watched as he took a letter from where he had tucked it into his sword belt and handed it to her. "This is from your daughter. She asked that I give it to you."

She didn't take her eyes from the letter as she took it from him and turned it over, slitting the envelope and beginning to read the words her daughter had written to her.

Mother,

I know how you must be feeling now that Nash is gone. I've asked myself why so many times already. I ask it as I write this. Why, when we have gone through so much, have we been made to face yet another trial?

I know only one thing right now, mother. There is only one thing that I am sure of. I want you and Samantha and Prissy to be safe. I want you here with me at the palace. It might sound selfish of me, but I know that there is no other place where you will be safer.

I understand that you may be hesitant, but I trust Antony, Mother and I know you will be safe with him and with Kade if you go with them. I would not ask you to do this lightly, Mother. Please think very carefully about it.

Whatever your decision, I pray for your safety.

Your loving daughter,

Meredith

She finished the letter, then ran her eyes over it a few more times, before finally folding it and looking up at Antony and Kade.

She nodded. "I will accept your offer," she said, keeping her head held high. She wondered if she imagined it, or if Antony, at least, looked rather relieved.

"However," she said. "I will need some time to pack a few things for the children and myself, but we should be ready to depart by tonight." She considered them for a moment, then sighed. "I suppose we don't have much but...would you like to stay for dinner?"

"We'd be honored," said Antony, nodding. She stood back and held the door open, allowing the two to enter her home.

Meredith finally managed to escape the Lady Catherine's endless list of work to be done and returned to her room as the clock was striking ten. One thing that was accomplished by her late turning in was that she didn't have to face any questions from Isabella.

She slipped into her nightgown and into bed, pulling the covers up to her chin. She wondered if Antony had reached Dunkirk safely and if he had spoken to her mother yet. She wondered how her mother had reacted to seeing the king on her doorstep.

After about a half an hour, it became clear that she wasn't going to fall asleep anytime soon. She found herself, now that work was not occupying her, with her mind full of thoughts: worries over Nash and the lately ever-present ache over the fact that her feelings for Antony never could and never would come to fruition.

She slipped out of bed and lit the lantern on her side table. Carrying it to her writing desk, she set it down and pulled out a piece of paper and a pen and ink. Dipping her pen in the ink, she began to write.

Dear Antony,

You're never going to read this; I feel rather silly writing it. However, I felt the need to write down all of my feelings on a piece of paper, just to get it all out of my head.

You don't know it, but I'm, well...I think I'm in love with you, Antony of Westerholme. I love the way you were uncomfortable talking with me alone when Isabella and Kade left us during lunch. I love the way you greeted the children during your coronation ball. I love the way you gave me a carriage ride into King's City. I love the way you comforted me with hot chocolate, and then the next day, you allowed me to hug you on the day Nash was taken. I love the way you were saddened when a man gave his life for you, rather than just take that sacrifice for granted as another, your uncle for example, might do. I love the way you spoke to the servants at the servants' dance; you made a lot of them so happy.

The dilemma is...It could never work out for the two of us. For one thing, you're the king and I'm a servant. For another, there is the issue of my past. Antony, your uncle killed my father and my brother and destroyed my home. I have chosen to forgive you, but I still have to keep this secret between us and I suppose it's best that it stays that way. Aside from those larger issues, I'm not pretty, or talented, or special. I do housework to help keep my family afloat. I am no longer a princess; I have nothing but what I work for.

I find myself now, late at night, worrying about you. If people died over at Hampshire and Dunkirk, you could too. And to think that the reason for your going was to help my family. That's another thing I admire about you, Antony. Your selflessness and your bravery.

Now that I've written this out, I suppose I should go to sleep now.

Good night,

Meredith

She stared at the letter before her for a few moments, before folding it and slipping it into the lowest drawer of her writing desk.

She hurried back to bed and, after a while, finally managed to fall asleep.