The Art of Living

[54] Rather Sooner Than Later

"You know what I think? You may get upset with me for saying this, but I think it's exactly the point. You hate admitting that you were wrong."

Ellie furrowed her eyebrows a little, but didn't say anything.

"If people ask you 'didn't we say it would be great?' and you say yes, then you'd admit that you were wrong before, that you maybe have to admit that you were behaving a bit .. I don't know, sillily maybe. And I think that's your problem."

Ellie pressed your lips together. "Why do people even have to get involved? Why can't they just mind their own business?"

"Oh Ellie.. Does Brian know how complicated you can be?"

Ellie shrugged a little. "I think he's got a pretty good idea." She sighed and sat on one of the tables. "I don't know.. I just don't know. I'm sorry, Mary."

"You don't have to apologise, I was just telling you what I think. Feel free to tell me what you think." She smiled at her friend and joined her on the table.

"I think - no, actually I know that I really like Brian. And that he like completely messed up my life but in a really good way. I can't believe how fast everything is happening, and it scares me a little that I don't have a problem with that, you know?"

"Wait, so it doesn't scare you that things are happening really fast, but it scares you that you don't mind that? That's ... interesting."

"You can say that it's messed up. I know it is, I know how much that doesn't make sense."

"It doesn't have to make sense. I think it's a good sign actually. If it's happening in a way that it has never happened to you before then that's good, because it means that it's going to be different. And because everything in the past hasn't ended well, chances are very high that in this case it will end well, or to put it even better, that it won't end."

Ellie nodded a little. "That actually makes sense.." She smiled a little and shrugged.

"You just can't let other people affect you, you know? It's your and Brian's business, don't let other people's reactions affect you. I mean, you kissed him in front of us, even though you probably knew that it would raise some questions. Right?"

"Yeah.. He actually asked me if I really wanted that, and I told him yeah.. If you don't like seeing it then you can look away."

Mary chuckled and nodded. "Yes, that sounds more like the Ellie I know. See, and it was good, wasn't it? It was better than freaking out about what people think, right?"

"Yeah, it was, but it's still hard. I'm trying. He knows that."

"As long as he knows that, that's what matters. Look, I think if you're just honest with him, that's all that matters. You don't owe anything to anyone else."

"I am honest with him. That's so easy, you know? He's just... he's really really great.."

Mary smiled. "I'm sure he is. And I think you should just follow your heart and do what you think is right. Because it probably is."

"I'm taking him home with me.. to Scotland."

"What?" Mary sounded surprised. "Wow.. That's really amazing actually. I'm so happy for you.."

Ellie smiled and nodded. "I'm so happy he wanted to come. It was a spur of the moment thing actually. But I really want him to come."

"See, that's exactly what I meant. Do what you think is right. You're on the right track with that. Because even if you ask for other people's opinions, they're not in your situation. They're not you and Brian. I will always tell you what I think, if you want my opinion, but don't be afraid to trust your own judgement."