buddies :: 19 days [hiatus]

tres

Zheng Xi slowly opened his eyes, squinting at first to adjust to the overbearing sunlight streaming through the window. His back hurt quite a bit from sitting in the same position through the night, which was sitting on the little ledge while leaning against the window pane. He didn't remember when he fell asleep; the night blended together, each event slurring into the next.

When he was finally fully awake, he stretched his arms above his head and stood up. The blanket that had been draped over his body fell to the floor. He didn't remember when he got up to get one, but then again, he couldn't remember much from last night anyways, but he presumed that it had gone according to every other night that has passed.

Zheng Xi didn't even process the thought of his late night friend. He was just going about his daily routine as if none of that had happened. He perhaps thought it all to be an elaborate dream that he induced to fill the gap in his life; by and large, that explanation seemed the most plausible.

He picked the blanket up and folded it, setting it on the couch. A yawn escaped his lips as he walked to the kitchen. He didn't know what time he fell asleep, but it was obviously too late for him.

Zheng Xi took out a bowl and a box of cereal along with a spoon when he saw a paint swatch on the counter. In a state of surprise, he drops all of his breakfast items. The bowl and spoon clatter once they hit the floor; the box of cereal was less fortunate as all of the colorful loops scatter themselves across the tiled floor.

He reached over and carefully picked the small card up and held it at arms length, afraid he'd contaminate it with different kinds of germs. He held it with such delicacy while glimpses of the ethereal boy from last night flooded his mind like a tsunami raging on, but not as aggressive.

His ribcage held back the heart that thudded and threatened to break free. The little sliver of sanity that Zheng Xi thought he had slowly eroded away as his hallucinations merged with reality. He was utterly confused, which impaired his ability to focus on the words written on the card.

Tightly shutting his eyes, he recollected his thoughts and regained his composure. He told himself that it was a mere piece of card stock with sloppily written words covering it. That was what he wanted to believe, at least. Albeit his mind was telling him one thing, his heart refused to stop feeling whatever it was feeling.

dear new bud,

you seemed pretty lax and tired after a few hours of talking, so i just let myself out. i put a blanket from your bedroom over you (hope that's okay) before i left. i know where this place is, so don't hesitate when i come busting down your door with a bottle of liquor in one hand and vodka on my breath.

some weird, alcoholic bastard,
jian yi

For some reason, Zheng Xi found himself clutching the card in both of his hands. He wanted to, just by holding the card close, bring the boy back. He felt like the bastard for thinking that Jian Yi was just a figment of his imagination.

He reminisced about the way it felt to just be in the other boy's presence; the feeling of an unknown nostalgia taking over his being whenever Jian Yi spoke. All of this was so new to Zheng Xi, from the feelings about himself to the feelings he had about that "weird, alcoholic bastard". He started to really curse his sheltered childhood.

He held the card close to him, hoping to retain any emotions that Jian Yi had put into those words. Zheng Xi wanted to know if Jian Yi felt just as he did about the other; he wanted to know if these feelings were natural and, he so desperately hoped, mutual.

Deciding it best not to dwell too much on the matter, although it was a confusingly interesting topic, he walked to his bedroom and placed the card from that morning and the one from last night in the drawer on his bedside table. Zheng Xi subconsciously picked this place because he knew that, in the future, he'd be revisiting the paint swatches for whatever reasons or purposes.

The sun shines brightly through the window and the rays land on the place where, just mere hours ago, sat a young lad that was crazy, but, at times, incredibly sane; a young lad that cracks jokes and his aim is to earn a smile or laugh, but he was unimaginably lonely; a young lad that smiled and laughed just as everyone else did, but couldn't find it in himself to see himself as more than a soulless body.

Zheng Xi missed him. He missed the way he felt when Jian Yi was around. He wanted to bring back the boy and talk for hours more. He wanted to see what the world had to offer through this boy. He wanted to feel the euphoria and the pain that every other human has felt, which he has heard first accounts of through this boy. He wanted, at the very least, to be able to see him and talk to him and touch him, just to see if he was really real, again.

Each second passed by at an agonizingly slow pace, and it reminded him how hours flew by the night before, when he was lost in conversations with Jian Yi.

Zheng Xi didn't know what to do with these feelings. How was he supposed to act in the presence of the other boy? How was he supposed to convey his feelings to Jian Yi? How would he feel if his feelings weren't reciprocated? How would he feel if his feelings were?

Shaking the thoughts from his mind, he grabbed his jacket from the coat rack by the door and slipped on a pair of shoes. He made his way out the building and found himself roaming around the semi-crowded streets, his head in the clouds with only one person in mind.

He felt at peace with something intangible. He felt that he was able to coincide with nature, any and all complications pushed aside. He felt, for the first time ever, that he was living as every other human did.