Five Choices

XXII

"I don't know. I really don't."

Jamie is quiet for awhile, and I lean on him, drawing doodles on his leg.

"Well, how about you go get showered and we can go to the mall, watch a movie, eat?"

I nod and wipe my eyes. 

"Alright, Ill clean up here, you go shower." I nod, standing up and looking at the living room floor and table. Chinese food and ice cream containers are on their, from this morning only. I shrug slowly and move up the stairs like a zombie. Getting in the shower, I let the water run over me. Slowly, like a turtle, I wash my hair and soap up my body. As Im turing around I slip and fall on my back. 

"Ow!" I cry in pain. Loud footsteps sound up the stairs and the door opens slowly. 

"Mare?" Jamie's voice laces shock, and care. 

"Here." Im still laying on the bottom of the tub, holding my back. 

"Can I help you?" Jamie asks. I nod, but then remember he cant see me. I give a weak 'yes' and dont care when he opens the shower curtain, revealing my body. Buck naked. I curl into a ball the best I can and look up at him. His eyes are glossy and he puts a hand up to his mouth.

"Oh, Mare, whats happening?" I close my eyes and feel his warm hands wrap around my body. He lifts me out of the shower, his hand slipping a bit and sliding up my body. He immediately stops, but he stares at me as he gets me a towel. "Your so skinny. You look fragile." Jamie says as he wraps a towel around me. I take it and nod. 

"I guess."

"have you been eating?"

"Ice cream and Chinese food pretty much, but Ive been giving most to Abro." I speak Abro's name and can imagine him perking up. I smile at the thought.

"Alright. Do you still want to go to the mall?" I nod and think about Kyle for some reason. I think of his blond hair how it flapped in the wind and how he smiled like a king whenever he got something his way. Then I think about West and how his black hair was a straight pin, but always messy. And then realize something. Im depressed. I miss Kyle. I miss West. But I want Kyle in my life. I want him to be my husband. My boyfriend. I want to cuddle with him, watch movies with him, and him to drive me in the black car. 

But I ruined that.

I can fix it though!

I don't feel this way for anyone, but West, but even Kyle has a higher spot in my chain. West is secondary, Kyle is number one. I look in the mirror, seeing Jamie in the back rubbing his neck. I then see my eyes brighten at the memory of Kyle taking his helmet off after the first football game and him whispering in my ear. 

I need Kyle.

"Actually, Jamie, can you call Beth quickly?" Jamie looks up, surprise in his eyes as my voice laces its original ways. A smile over comes my face and I feel like Im coming back to life. Its all Kyle. Memories are running through my mind of him. Us kissing from that stupid dare, ad us kissing later when I fell off the bed. 

"I um, yeah sure. You okay?"

"Yes! Yes! Just call Beth quickly!" I shout and run out of the room. I gather my hair dryer and straightener and plop them on the floor in front of a full-length mirror. I then run to my closet and rummage through the back searching for something I haven't worn in years. I find it, and when I do, I smile. The blue short floral dress brightens up my room, and I close my door. I then slide it up my legs. Luckily I managed to wash my hair before falling in the shower, but now I think of how Jamie saw me naked. Cringe. 

Suddenly, I know Im back to my old self when my eyes meet each other in the mirror. The hazel color is fighting against the blue dress, seeing who is bluer. My new brown hair is flat against my back, trailing all the way down to my back and I wonder where Jamie is.