Second Choice | Jaehyun

Epilogue

Dear my best friend,

I don't know why you didn't tell me

I could have helped you

Even if it's just asking a simple how are you

I didn't know

I hate making excuses

But I seriously didn't know

If only I asked

Maybe I'd knew

But I didn't

It's all my fault

If I was more concerned

Or worried about you

This won't happen

You didn't have to leave like this

I'm so sorry

I couldn't do anything to help you

I feel so useless

This is literally my fault

I read what you wrote about me

I'm sorry if you didn't want me to

But I read it anyway

Your sister told me a lot about you

Things I didn't even knew

And how I wished I knew

So that I could protect you

And maybe let you feel some bit of happiness you should've felt

I just can't help to think it's all my fault

If I was more caring and protective of you

I wouldn't have to watch you leave like that

I wouldn't have to watch you suffer

Why didn't you say anything?

Is it because I was too preoccupied with her?

Were you jealous?

I should have gone with you when you asked me

I shouldn't have rejected you

Just to go on a date with her

I didn't even get to say how important you were to me

You were like the pillar of my life

Without you

I would never be the person I am today

I feel so empty now

If I went with you that day

You would never end up like this

It never crossed my mind you would leave this fast

I feel so fucking guilty

Yes

I cursed

You scolded me when I first cursed in 8th grade

Telling me how bad a word it is

I didn't even dare curse in front of you again

Now that you're gone

Who is supposed to warn me now?

I should have went with you

That way

You wouldn't have to die like this

Why did you have to go out on a day like that?

It was such bad weather

It was at night too

I hate how unfortunate you are

I hate how the stupid huge sign had to fall on you

I hate that no one was there to help

I hate how I wasn't with you

Why did you go out?

What was so important?

Your sister told me

You were searching for me?

Why?

Just for a stupid wallet

I could have taken it the next day

You didn't have to go

Why?

I love you

My best friend

Always

Forever

The wallet that you tried to return

It came back to me

Now I realize

It's because of that picture, huh?

The picture of us graduating middle school together

You wanted to give it back to me because of that

Because you realized that I still treasured our graduation pic

I can't believe it

Are you dumb or are you dumb?

I miss you

Best friend

END