Coming Home // Sidemen AU (Minizerk)

Still In There

The boys explained that he was going to Simon's house, which he already knew, and he only half listened as they joked around with each other. His hand hurt. He was warned it might start hurting more after he came off the really strong pain meds but he hadn't expected it to start acting up so soon. He hadn't even left the hospital yet for Christ's sake!

JJ must have spotted him holding his hand protectively into his side, for he launched forward, eager to assist. "C'mon, I'll take that for you," he insisted lunging for the bag he was carrying. He knew it had been a friendly gesture, he knew JJ would never hurt him on purpose, but the moment he saw the younger boy reaching for him, he flinched away instinctively, hunching his shoulders and lowering his head in submission.

He felt like the worst person in the world when he saw the hurt in the younger boy's eyes. \he hadn't meant to jump...it had just been a reflex. "Hey, let me take it, okay? No need to be over doing it so soon," Tobi offered a lot more gently and slowly, reaching out to take the weight from his quivering hand.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, was all he could think as he absentmindedly followed the group down the hallway.

He'd barely gone two feet when he was stopped in his tracks. "Joshua?" Karen called out to him, and he turned to see her standing with her arms folded, one eyebrow raised, a small smirk on her lips. I'm sorry, he thought again.

Sheepishly he walked over and she uncrossed her arms, assessing him up and down, probably wondering if she'd made the right decision, before meeting him in the eyes. "I wish you the very best," she said sincerely, nodding towards the other lads. "You've got some amazing friends here, who I know are going to take care of you."

Josh looked back too, catching the others grinning like fools at the words of praise. He looked back to Karen, who was regarding him in the way she always did, kind and non-judgemental. For a brief second he almost welled up with the sudden realisation that he was no longer going to see this woman. This woman, who'd lead the sessions he hated and despised, this woman who wouldn't take his silence for an answer, this woman who was the only person who didn't look at him like had had some sort of disease or was made of porcelain...

He had to increase his efforts in keeping his eyes dry when he spotted the sadness in her own eyes and the quiver in her lips when she pulled them into a smile, holding her arms out. "May I?" she asked softly.

He may have put on a blank expression, a cold personality, but that didn't mean his heart had turned to stone, and there was no way he was going to leave this woman upset. And so of course he hugged her; not just allowed her to hug him, but hugged her back properly. He couldn't see his friends faces but knew the act would probably surprise and confuse them. Why would he hug this woman when he barely liked them touching him? He wished he could help them understand it wasn't as simple as that...but for now he just couldn't. It sucked, but he couldn't.

He left feeling good about himself, he'd behaved in a good way, like any normal person would. Unfortunately that couldn't remain the same for long. There was an issue at the main exit which meant they had to go out another way, following a security guard who he managed to act like a complete idiot in front of, leaving him red faced afterwards.

And then after that incident there came the moment when he had to get in the car. So simple really, just get in the car. What was wrong with getting in a car? A perfectly normal black car...Except the last three times he'd been in a vehicle of any sort they had either been driving him to a hospital, driving him to his new prison or kidnapping him in the first place. Vehicles held some bad memories for him.

He hesitated about five feet from the car, his feet refusing to take another step forward. He couldn't do it, he didn't know how. He was scared. He wanted Simon, he always made things better...but the blond had walked off around the other side of the car, where he could not see him.