Know You Better Now

Chapter 24

I smiled at my reflection in the mirror. Eyes accentuated, red lips, hair curled to perfection and pulled into a low side pony tail. The dress I was wearing was simple, but fitted. It was grey and by Elle Saab with a deep V in both the front and back with a thick band just under the bust. It was embellished but not overdone and I felt fantastic. I was wearing a gown for the first time in a year and it was exhilarating. I was working with a personal trainer four days out of the week and was almost back to where I was pre-pregnancy. I put on earrings and thanked the team in my bedroom who had helped me get ready for the night.

Ed was already ready, somewhere downstairs feeding Ian. I had been breast-feeding but being gone tonight we had spent the last week trying to get him used to using a bottle. He was now two months old, with beautiful strawberry blonde hair and the bluest eyes possible, and was the love of my life. I thought I had known what real love was like with Ed - having loved him more than anything or anyone in the universe, but we had both agreed upon looking into our son’s eyes that now we both had felt real love. I’d do anything for him, I’d give my own life for him if I had to and there was nothing more important than the little boy downstairs in the second most important person in my life’s arms. I picked my shoes up off the floor and headed down the stairs.

My mom was sitting on the couch, as she’d be spending the night while we were away. Tonight, was the CMA Awards and our “first” public appearance since Ian was born. It was also the first time I had spent more than an hour or two away from him. It took a lot of convincing, mostly from my mom to get me to agree to go. I was presenting Best New Artist and I was nominated for Album, Female Vocalist, Song and Entertainer of the Year. Ed was all for going, and having a night just the two of us, attend the after party and spend the night at a hotel - alone. We had tried a few weeks ago, and have been trying to make love, and we had a couple of times but it wasn’t good like it used to be. But it was because there was always interruptions: Ian crying or waking up, my milk-producing breasts leaking, or the pure exhaustion that came with a newborn forcing the moments that he fell asleep to be so happy that we could sleep too or shower or eat.  I think my mom knew that 

I took Ian from Ed and sat down next to my mom. “Hey baby boy, be good for Grandma tonight, I love so much and I’m gonna miss you more than words can describe.” I kissed his little head and his eyes were open wide as he smiled back up at me, my eyes watered as I passed him too my mom. I walked over to the door quickly, not looking back because I knew I’d cry. Ed said goodbye and thanked my mom and followed me out to the waiting car. 

I grabbed ahold of his hands as he got in. Our overnight bag was being put in the back and we were on our way to Bridgestone Arena for the awards show. We walked the red carpet, did interviews and caught up with friends. We were seated next to Tim and Faith and before the show, we showed them pictures and they insisted on coming over soon to meet him. We decided on a day and time and it was lovely. I was on stage to present the award talking about how it was ten years ago tonight that I brought home the same trophy, how I went from writing songs on my bedroom floor to now changing diapers on the bedroom floor, singing break up songs about boys to singing bed time songs rhymes to my baby boy. I presented the award to a tour opener and stood with pride watching them accept it. 

About twenty minutes later, my name was called for Female Vocalist. I didn’t expect to go home with anything, but I did, and it was lovely. I thanked Ed, my family, my producer and my record label, before dedicating the award to Ian and started crying talking about him and how he had changed my life to become more beautiful and complete. I got off stage and Ed soon met me, hugging me tightly and congratulating me. We returned and watched the rest of the show, we attended an after party for about 45 minutes before leaving quickly and heading to the hotel for the night. Ed helped me out of my dress, I hung it up and then hung up his tux and I wrapped myself in a robe to go change out of the very unattractive spandex that went from my knees to my bra to suck what wasn’t toned in to be able to fit the dress. I let out a sigh of relief as I slipped on black cotton underwear and a cami. I threw those into the laundry bag on the floor by the small suitcase and went over to where he was already waiting, blankets and sheets pulled back sitting up and waiting for me in his boxers.