Therapy // Stucky [AU] - Completed

Chapter 3

When heading back home, Bucky thought about the session with Steve. He thought about how at no point Steve pressed him to give him the information he wanted. How they had even gotten off topic and started talking about things they like. Previous unwanted and negative thoughts no longer occupied his mind but instead, Buck walked home breathing calmly and his senses weren't heightened which was unusual. He stopped by the market to buy some plums and his dinner for the night, making sure his errands were run quickly. Time had gone by fast as he had spent more time than initially intended at Steve's house and the walk there took 35 minutes. Buck wasn't bothered by that but he didn't like to stay out after dark so as the sun started to set he paced home and eventually arrived, only to lock the door behind him and set the things he had bought on top of a small, round wooden table.

Today Buck did something he had never done before: he opened the curtains. Not all the way; he still didn't like being too exposed. But he opened them. Instead of sticking to his daily routine of making himself food and then getting into bed to watch TV from a small screen, into the hours of the night until he falls asleep, he appreciated the colours in the sky which diffused into each other to create a real life watercolour painting. Bucky simply stood there, looking out of the window as if he was waiting for something. He stayed like that for a good 15 minutes, taking in the view which he had previously never allowed himself to properly admire. At one point the sky was like one of the canvases at Steve's house. The sky was darker now and Steve's words rung in Buck's head.

"I bought this one because of all the colours. They remind me of when I was a kid and I stayed on the streets, playing with my friends. I would often stop to look at the sky while they carried on playing but I couldn't resist going back to foolin' around for long" he had said.

With that, Bucky shut the curtains again, this time allowing no light to come in. He turned on a medium-sized light, that was on top of his night stand, which barely illuminated the place. Buck was used to it now and managed making himself a meal and stripping of his clothes just fine. The days were hot enough for him to be sleeping comfortably without a shirt and not being cold so he grabbed his plate of food and took it to bed. He turned the TV on and stared at it, barely taking in any of the information being said. It was just custom for the TV to be on at this time.

Once he finished, he put the plate on the kitchen counter and returned to bed, his light illuminating his metal arm. Bucky glanced at it and sighed, moving his metal fingers to create a fist and then relaxing several times. It would always be there to remind Buck of all the pain and torture he had been put through. Buck had to live with it no matter how much it hurt him to look down and remember the faces of those scared by the Winter Soldier. The worst bit was that he knew those faces didn't even make up half of the ones he would remember if Hydra wasn't constantly fizzing his brain.

Becoming lost in his own thoughts, Buck laid down on his bed with his hands at the back of his head and stared at the ceiling. His eyes soon began to close and thoughts cleared his mind, leaving him to fall into a slumber.

11:00 pm
12:00 am
1:00 am

Bucky's body began twisting and turning, disorientating the sheets on his bed.

Longing

His facial expression changed from calm to agitated, sweat forming on his forehead.

Seventeen

Bucky started to scream now, still being held prisoner in his dream.

One

He was once again gripping his sheets, nearly tearing them.

Freight car

"Ready to co-"

Bucky jumped up from bed, realising he nearly activated himself because of his dream. His head was full of memories of his mother and as the sweat dripped down his face, the tears started to as well. Buck raised his hands to his face and pulled his hair back as hot tears kept coming and he gritted his teeth. He screamed in anger and hit his bed, avoiding any further damage to the apartment due to the incident earlier. The Winter Soldier had never been this close to coming back.

**********

A soft cheer was to be heard in Steve's room as his TV was playing some sort of gameshow. Steve was asleep, notes in hand and night light still on. He was awaken by the noise of his phone, telling him he was getting a call. He checked the time. 1:35 am. Steve grunted, annoyed at how anyone could think to call at this hour, but picked up still.

"This is Steve Rogers, how can I help?" His voice was hoarse and bitter.

"Steve.. Um, sorry for calling at this time of night but I need to change my appointment for tomorrow. I can't wait until next week."

Steve realised it was Bucky and was silent for a few seconds, surprise taking over his emotions.

"I have the afternoon booked Bucky. I can't cancel on my other patients."

"In the morning then. I'll be there at 9. Please, Steve. I need your help." Buck sounded desperate and his voice broke slightly when pleading Steve.

"Okay. Fine. But please, refrain from calling at this hour." Steve no longer sounded annoyed but tired and sleepy instead.

"Yeah. Sorry about that." And with that Bucky hung up before Steve could say anything else.

Steve gathered his thoughts and put the phone down, yawning as he checked the time again. He stared at his phone for a while and then turned away from it, turning the light off and moving his notes so that he could return to sleep.