Love in LA • a Ross Lynch Fanfic °°BOOK 2°°

27

I wiped my eyes for the 10 000th time and took in a shaky breath. We've only talked about my uncle and now she wants to know about my mom. My heart feels abused. Like an old washcloth.

After a few minutes she stepped back inside with a serving tray in her hands. "I think you need a strong and sweet cup. Three?" she asked as she pointed to the sugar and I nodded. "Here you go," she said after adding in the sugar and I thanked her. After she also made herself a cup she sat down again. "I'm glad that you asked for a break. I can see that this is getting too much for you. We'll take it slow. I don't want to make you feel worse when you go home," she said and I nodded.

After finishing our delicious tea, she grabbed the clipboard again. "Do you want to continue?" she asked and I nodded. "That's fine," I said and I leaned back slightly before taking a deep breath. "When my mom got diagnosed with cancers I had a lot of feelings. I was angry, sad, confused. Angry because she was such a good person and something that awful happened to her. Sad because I knew what her chances were of surviving two different cancers at one. And I was confused because I've always done everything right, you know? I followed the rules and so did my mom. She was a person who like to help others. She was amazing. She was a big Christian. I was confused because if God can do absolutely anything, why didn't he save my mom or stop this from happening? If he's almighty then why doesn't he stop all this bad things from happening to good people?" I questioned myself and she quickly scribbled.

I waited for her to stop writing and tell me about how we won't ever have those answers or something like that. She looked at me and nodded. "Go on," "That's it? You aren't going to tell me about how wrong it is to wonder something like that?" I asked and she shook her head. "Nope. You have every right to feel that way," she said and I nodded slightly. "What happened after your mom's passing?" she asked. "This is where Damon makes his grand entrance," I sighed and she started on a new page.

÷÷÷

"And then they found me in my house," I sobbed before closing my mouth with my hand as my body shook. "Let it out, Tori," Kayley said as I cried my heart out like never before. I desperately tried to calm myself down as I closed my eyes and took deep breaths while sobbing.

God this is hard!

"Take your time," her soft voice ran through the office as another sob escaped me.

After a minute or two I grabbed a tissue and wiped under my eyes. "I'm sorry," I said and she furrowed her eyebrows as she crossed her legs. "Is that something you say often?" she suddenly asked and I started thinking. "Yeah," I admitted softly and she nodded as wrote something. "What are you sorry for?" she asked and I thought about it for a moment. "For putting people through all the drama I put them through. Everywhere I go there's drama involved. It's like I cause chaos," I admitted as another tear leaked out of my eye. "Have you ever sensed that people think you're putting them through too much drama?" she asked and I nodded. "Yes," "Like who?" "Ross. He can have any girl in the world yet he chose me. I don't know why. I mean I'm a screwup. I'm shattered and I feel like I can't give him everything he wants," I said as tears leaked out of my eyes. "Do you blame yourself for everything that's happened?" Kayley asked and I shrugged.

"I don't know. I mean I couldn't have done everything, but I just feel like Ross's life would be so much easier without my in it," I admitted and she frowned.

"Tori I promise you that that's not the way Ross feels. You guys have been through a lot together. I think that if he wanted to leave he would've done it a while ago," Kayley said. "I know that. I don't know what's wrong with me," I said as I buried my face in my hands. "You're drinking antidepressants right?" she asked and I nodded. "Does it feel like they're helping you?" she asked and I shook my head. "No. I feel worse and worse everyday," I said and heard her writing again. "What type of pill is it and how strong?" she asked and I told her all the stuff. "Are you free tomorrow?" Kayley asked and I looked at her through my fingers. "I think so. Why?" "I want to have another session with you tomorrow. I think we should maybe do daily sessions or every other day. Just in the beginning. See how it goes. Maybe you need a stronger pill or maybe you just need to talk with this to someone who doesn't know everything. That's me. When does Ross's tour start?' Kayley asked me. "Beginning March. The 4th," I said and her eyes lit up. "This is actually exactly what you need! You are going with, right?" she asked and I nodded. "This will be great for you. To get away from here and forget about everything. I want to see you tomorrow and then everyday until you guys leave. Try and get Ross to clear an hour of his schedule. I want to talk to him too on Wednesday,"