//Apartment 102//

//and this is how it starts//

I fell behind a bit, walking next to Matty. Neither of us spoke, instead we walked in a very comfortable silence, smoking cigarettes and breathing in the cool night air.

My hand bumped into his, briefly, but it sent a shock wave of emotion up my arm and straight to my torso, a very familiar butterfly feeling hitting my stomach. My eyes quickly darted up to my left, just to see if our hands touching momentarily gave him the same sensation it gave me. My cheeks instantaneously turned red when my eyes met his. I don't think I have ever looked away from something so quickly in my life.

Sure, I had been infatuated with others in the past, but never like this. My want for them was based mainly on situational need, not desire. This was an entirely new sensation for me, and to be honest I wasn't sure how I felt about. It made me horribly uncomfortable, but it wasn't necessarily an unwanted feeling.

It was a busy Friday night. We weaved in an out of people hurrying to get wherever they need to go. I wondered where they were coming from, I wondered where they were going. My shoulder gently hit the shoulder of a girl wearing knee high boots and a moderately elegant looking black dress. She directed an apology at me and kept walking.

In my head, I imagined a story about her. I gave her a name, I gave her a backstory. I made up where she was going; a dinner date with her fiancé, she was meeting his parents for the first time, and they were oh so in love.  I wondered if my existence would ever amount to that of the mythical one I had given this passing woman on the street.

We approached a house, that by the cars parked in the street, I had assumed was Grimmy's. It was decently sized, and it looked like there was a fair amount of people there. I flicked the cigarette I had been smoking onto the pavement, and followed Matty and George up the steps and to the front door. Not bothering to knock, the just opened the door and walked right in.

My previous thought about there being a fair amount of people had been an understatement. There were a shit ton of people here, some I recognized from the bar, some I had never seen before.

Anxiety coursed through my veins, pumped by a heart that was already over caffinated, and was now thumping quickly in my chest. I didn't like large groups of people. A busy night at the bar was one thing, I was behind the counter and had a purpose for being there. This was different. This was way different.

My mind went through the notions of the anxiousness I was feeling, appropriately over thinking absolutely everything. Everyone was looking at me (they probably weren't), everytime someone laughed, they were laughing at me (most likely a joke someone said, honestly), and every single person at this party was wondering who I was and why I was there (they were drunk and high, they couldn't possibly give any less of a fuck who I was and why I was there).

"Nova?" Matty's soft voice pulled me out, mid panic attack. "You alright, love? You look spaced out."

"Uh..." I stuttered, feeling my face get warm. "Yeah, sorry. I don't really like large crowds."

"No worries! Let's go find booze and Grimmy, in that order." He put his arm around me and I all but just stopped breathing. It was just a kind notion, of that I am almost positive. A moment ago, I was just mentally breaking down in front of him, and he probably just wants to make sure he doesn't lose me in the crowd. None of this makes this moment any less significant for me, however.

Matty leads me to the kitchen. A quick swivel of my head shows me that we have lost George somewhere back in the belly of the beast. He asks me what I want to drink.

Quickly scanning the bottles that are out on the table, I reply "Rum and coke is fine." Matty hands me a red plastic cup.

"Shit, makes me feel like I'm at a high school rager," I giggle, taking a much needed, long sip of the beverage.