The House of the Setting Sun

she's out of control, 1989

i'm sick of hearing you say you care about me. don't say it, don't you say it. shut your mouth so i don't kiss you quiet; i can't handle another taste of you right now. look, i'm not what you think i am. i'm the angles of alleys where sunlight meets shadow / (safety and danger go hand in hand with me) / i look at the sun in the backseat of your cadillac until my eyes are too dry to cry / i run and run and run away to go bury myself in the arizona sand dunes / but i don't have stamina / so i trip and trip and trip all over my doll parts / and it hurts when the asphalt swallows me up / but i'd rather trail-blaze myself to dust / then bleed over you /

you're my neon god, the lights crisscrossing like scars on your skin. you're wholly unholy, i'm sure. i want you to stay, but you should go while your engine is still warm. before the winter comes and glows your shape with frostbite. so pack your things, take the rose petals soaked with gin in the bathtub and make yourself a heart shaped sunglasses girl. you're opening your mouth now, shut it. i'm not going to say please, not with you, not ever again. i'm so foolish. the lock on the door – which door? the one to the motel room or the one to my heart? what's the difference? – is broken, you didn't need a key to get in. your teeth are a doberman's under the ceiling fan light, so shut your mouth and close the door when you go out. let me sink into my head until i forget you ever existed. let the radio crush you with the bass drop. let me learn to unlove you. as i always have. with everyone.

– i don't believe in love,
i believe in me.

☆

for everyone who has fucked me over in my life, i wish i could hate you. for someone i called my best friend, for texting while i broke down in front of you. for me, choose yourself when they will not.

ps. i changed all the ch names to 80s chick flicks bc the titles were scarily applicable & why not?