Five days after your six month anniversary, it was also your favorite Youtuber's birthday. January 30th.. Phil Lester's 30th birthday, with Mikey. You were standing in the hallway with him at school. Lately, you two hadn't been able to spend time with each other between him being in Pep band, an actual band, his work, your work, and school. Not to mention he had the stress of being 18 and graduating soon.
"Are you busy later on?" you ask.
"Listen.. this is hard for me to say and I really hate to say it, but... I think... we should..." he sighs and you can hear the hurt and hesitation in his voice. You hug him tight as you start to cry.
"... break up. I still want to be friends.. close friends.. It's because-" you walked away bawling before he could finish his sentence.
"Shit." you hear him say as you hand leaves his for the last time.
Your heart was shattered. You walked to your Prep for college class and text your best friend who was in Geometry at the time. After this you would be going to that class then home. You anxiously wait for the bell to ring. You walk to go see your best friend who was just down the hall, your other friends stopping you as you told one of them on tumblr. Then you text him
"I told you you'd get tired of me."
"I'm not going to geometry." you say as you walk into the bathroom.
Then you text your best friend to come to the bathroom as she was in study hall and was able to go to another classroom. So that's where she took you, but.. Mikey's ex was with her as well.
It was five minutes before the bell to go home was to ring and you walked out.. teachers and random students hugging you. Hell, even Gerard's girlfriend hugged you.
You waited outside his classroom and threw his Green Day jacket at him.
"Why would you do that?"
"You could at least give me a reason why."
"I tried but you walked away."
"Well?!" you snapped trying not to cry in front of him, yet failing.
"I'm busy... I'm not ready for a serious relationship at the moment."
"K." you said and walked the other way.
He texted you halfway through your bus ride.
"I didn't get tired of you. I explained my reasons."
You still didn't understand because you spent six months together. You were the happiest you'd ever been. Every waking moment now for the next two days you would cry then go back to sleep.
"He said you were his best friend." Gerard's girlfriend told you.
"But he also laughed and said "so" when his ex confronted him about it. Then he asked her if she was still single."
"He wouldn't do that to you."
"Whatever, I'm done with his bullshit, yeah he made me happy but I'm not meant to be that happy it's whatever... he doesn't care.. probably never cared. I still care about him. I can't just tell myself to stop loving someone who only broke my heart. He would've had to abuse me and he didn't. I'm not gonna move on so quickly." Then you walked away. Not even wanting to be alive anymore, yet you still fought through every single day without him.
You told him you felt like he didn't care.
He told you he did.
You told him you went back to hurting yourself.
You could tell he felt worse than he said he did.
"Don't tell anyone, go to lunch and forget it. I don't even know why I told you."
"I won't." there seemed to be tears in his eyes and you could've sworn he said "Love you" but your common sense said other wise.
"I feel like no one would miss me if I were to kill myself because everyone walks over me like a doormat." You text him later that night.
"First of all, I would miss you. Secondly, I think you're amazing so don't let anyone tell you that you aren't good enough. You know you're worth more than that."
You sigh. You're confused.
"No one could love you the way that I do." You sing in your head. It was from your guy's song. It's by "This Wild Life." and even though it's technically a break up song those specific lines meant a lot to you.
Why would he say those things if he wasn't interested anymore? Does he regret it?
Who knows...
