( on tumblr )
anonymous asked:
any tips for self validation.
- be your own best friend: think of yourself the way you'd think of a friend and treat yourself the way you'd treat a friend. if you start thinking something self - deprecating or awful about yourself, ask yourself whether you'd say that thought out loud about a person you care about. would you tell your best friend that their gender isn't valid, that their art sucks, that someone else is better than them? nope. people can be faster to defend someone else than they are to defend themselves so treat that negative inner voice like you would some asshole talking shit about someone you love. if you wouldn't consider a thought to be fair if it was said to them, it's not fair to you to think it about yourself.
- validate other people: send positive anonymous messages to people you follow or who follow you. if there's a certain thing you feel uncertain about (gender, sexuality, a hobby, anything) then find a tag on tumblr for it and go through it sending positive anon messages to the people posting there. look at their reactions, look how happy they are. loving others is a good step towards loving yourself.
- don't let other people invalidate you: if a website has a block button then use it as often as you need to. someone sends you a nasty message? posts something gross or bigoted in a tag? block them. you're not obligated to reply to someone who sends you upsetting messages or posts upsetting shit in a tag you frequent. you don't have to justify a block to anyone. often people feel like they have to respond to vitriol in order to defend themselves or their principles but you have to ask yourself what you hope to get out of doing that and what it will take out of you. there's a difference between someone who is being an asshole just to be an asshole and someone who is genuinely confused, there's a difference between replying to someone who you will get nothing out of but more insults and frustration and replying to someone who genuinely wants to learn and have a discussion. there are conversations that are productive and uplifting and ones that aren't. you don't have to sacrifice your mental/emotional state in order to defend something to someone who has no interest in listening. sometimes blocking and cutting that shit off before it starts is the right thing to do.
- keep a journal: i keep two different journals for two different purposes. the first is your basic, 'this is what happened today and this is what i feel' diary. the purpose of this one is to unbottle my head at the end of the day so that i can get everything off my chest and get my emotions down into actual words. it's important with that kind of journal to not censor yourself and to be as honest about your feelings as possible, even when you're incredibly angry or upset or know your thoughts aren't particularly fair or kind. at the end of the week i look back over my entries, looking at them from a calmer and bit more distant mindsent, and i write a 'follow up' entry. maybe something happened on monday that, a week later, i can see wasn't that big of a deal. maybe i had thoughts about someone that, after some time, i realized weren't fair to them. it's important to look back over entries, analyze them, and ask yourself where you were coming from and how - some days later - your mind has changed. the second journal I keep is a bit more simple. It's only for positive things. If I see a quote that's inspirational, if someone complimented me or did something nice to me, if I saw a cute dog on the street - all of that goes in. It's an evidence log of GOOD things for times when I feel like no good things ever happen that I can look over and feel better by doing so.
- practice self - care: self care means different things for different people but the bottom line is generally doing something that makes you feel better and genuinely helps you out. This can be something to do with your body (bathing, eating, doing your nails), a hobby (art, cooking, gardening, reading), just relaxing (napping, listening to music), or a million and one other things. Find something (or several things) that make you feel good and that you can turn to in trying times.
- surround yourself with positive people: this can be people irl or people you follow online. Everyone has bad days (some more than others) and no one is positive 24/7 all year 'round but there's a difference between that and people who are nothing but a negative force in your life. If you know or follow someone who only ever makes you feel bad and who is having a negative impact on your emotional/mental well-being, you have every to reconsider whether you want them in your life. Meanwhile, find new people to friend and who follow who ARE a positive impact. Follow self-care blogs, blogs that are about your interests, blogs that post affirmations. Find groups or forums that do the same. If you're able to do so irl consider joining some kind of club or taking a class or reaching out to new people. The people around you should support you and uplift you and make you feel good about yourself and in general, you shouldn't dread seeing them because you know it's going to be a miserable experience every time. Ask yourself if the people in your life (online and off) are a help or a hindrance and reevaluate those relationships accordingly .
( source: hellyeahagender )
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OH MY LORD THIS TOOK ME FOREVER TO TYPE OUT AND I TYPED THE REST HALFWAY THROUGH THE END ON MY PHONE AND IT JUST MADE IT SEEM LIKE A LIFETIME.
