20 Years Ago - July 16
"I love you. I love you with all of my life. I love you with every fiber on my body and every dream I've ever dreamt. I love you so much that I cannot live one minute without you without feeling like a million daggers are being stabbed at my heart. You say that I can't possibly love you but although you are one of the smartest woman I've ever met, I have never heard anyone say anything so stupid. I love you. I love you, Amanda Marie Diamond. I don't care who knows it and I don't care how many times I must say it to you before you believe it. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you."
I listened to the words of the man I had grown to fall in love with after only a 3 months of knowing him. I knew without a doubt that I loved him no matter how many people told me "you're too young to fall in love! You are only 18!" I knew that was nonsense. I loved him. He sweetly caressed my cheek and looked deeply into my eyes saying one last time, "I love you." And that was it. I needed him like I have never needed anything before in my life. He slowly came closer until our noses touched and I could feel is warm breath against my skin. Only a second later and he kissed me so passionately I couldn't help but grin. We furthered the kiss more and more until he started tugging at my shirt. Was I really going to do this? The answer? Hell yes.
20 years ago - July 17
I called him up, excited for all out new adventures together as a couple. I couldn’t wait to see him again. I knew this was love. It had to be. He wouldn’t pick up the phone after several calls. I stopped calling because I didn’t want to be that annoying girlfriend that wouldn’t leave him alone. But I thought we could go do something fun together so I drove to his house. I knocked on the door. It wasn’t my beloved Daniel that answered but his annoying friends. As soon as they saw me they burst out laughing. I was super confused but I asked if Daniel was here. They told me to go see for myself. When I walked in and up to his room, I saw a giant pile of money on his bed. No not those little dollar bills you see lying around but wads of hundreds of dollars. He looked up at me and let out a laugh.
“Where did all this come from?” I questioned with a forced laugh.
“Oh This is all cause of you sweet cakes,” he responded cunningly.
“Uhm okay what do you mean?”
“You see, I don’t love you,” he responded nearly crushing my heart in two. “I only pretended to love you so I could have sex with you. And no, not even cause I wanted to but because I wanted to win a bet. And I won this bet.”
I couldn’t believe my ears as I felt something wet slide down my cheek. I wanted even aware I was crying until Daniel mocked, “Aww poor little baby, crying over getting her heart broken by the bad boy. God, do you really think I could actually love someone like you? Look at you. You’re a mess. You’re an ugly, pathetic waste of space and I doubt anyone could ever love you. How could they? You aren’t exactly ‘girlfriend material’ if you know what I mean. You’re ugly for starters, awful personality, and such a nerd. Not to mention gullible. How could you honestly believe that I could love you?”
I couldn’t even feel anything. My body was numb and I was struggling to breathe. From there, I ran as fast as I could. Away from Daniel. Away from the money. Away from his friends. And away from my happily ever after.
19 Years Ago - March 24
Its been over a year and I still haven’t gotten over him. Daniel. I’ve been in complete depression, unable to talk to anyone or do anything. I hate myself. If only I could’ve been prettier, he would have loved me. If only I could’ve been funnier, he would have loved me. If only. The list continues for miles. I am lost without him. He was my everything.
