Lovesick - Joshler

Chapter 5

I hear someone run up to me. Then they grab my hand. " Joshie! " Tyler shouts.

" Joshie? " I ask.

" Yeah " Tyler replies.

I giggle. " If you're not going to do homework with me then just go. " I tell him.

" I will! I promise! " He assures me.

We walk to my house. I hide the fact we are holding hands. " Hey mom! "

" Hi Miss. Dun " Tyler says politely. Wow, he is such a gentleman. " Do you boys want any snacks? " She asks. We nod and she makes us popcorn.

I get on my bed and sit against the wall, and I open my book. Tyler crawls next to me and puts his arm around me. This is perfect. " Josh. Can I play with your hair? " Tyler asks.

" Really? Okay yeah, make sure you record it too so people can watch how satisfying it is. " I joke.

" Yus! Your hair is so fluffy! " Tyler laughs. He kisses my head. I feel a rush of butterflies throughout my body. I snuggle into his arm.

" Okay, we really need to start studying. " I say. Tyler looks down and stares at his hands. I hop off tHe bed. I look through my backpack and it takes me a minute to find what I need. I look at Tyler. Tears are streaming down his face and his hands are shaking.

" Tyler! " I look at his arms. He pulled up his sleeves and I can see the cuts. I hold his hand.

" It-It h-hurts. " Tyler tells me. " Why won't he stop?" Tyler asks. I hug him.

" Who? " I ask.

" In the corner. " He points. I don't see anyone.

" Can I tell you a secret I have never told anyone? " Tyler asks.

" Please. If it makes you feel better. " I assure him. I squeeze his hand.

" No one knows. Usually when i'm alone - i'm not alone. He has a blurry face and it feels like he chokes me and i'm trapped. Blurryface allways bugs me, and he allways sees a bad thing about everything I do. Just enough to lower my self esteem all the time. I hurt myself because it makes me feel better knowing it causes lots of pain to him. " He spills out.

" Seriously? I thought you were just a cool, confident, jock who didn't anyone or anything get to him. " Im shook.

" I have terrible anxiety. He cares about what I think and won't stop tearing my confidence apart. " He cries. I look him in the eyes. " I care. I care what you think because your a human who needs someone who cares. " I tell him. I stare at him and it gets quiet for a little bit. I don't know what else to do. I want him alive. I could just kiss him. Kiss him Josh. I lean into him. He looks up at me.

" I need you. " He whispers. He then squeezes my hand.