Diary of an Army Wife

Saturday, February 25th, 2017

4:33 am

Dear Diary,

I've stayed up most of the night watching Army Wives with our roommate and I had an idea.

What if I record what I'm thinking every now and then?

I'm not sure how these things go. This really isn't the start of my love story so I don't have much to say on that.

I just walked into the bedroom and looked at Eric. He has that typical soldier haircut. He's so beautiful and he doesn't know I say this every time I have a moment looking at him. I can't help but smile. We've been through so much and this man has absolutely no idea how much I adore him. It probably isn't healthy.

Last night we went for a ride to a close by city to go ride go karts. He wanted to ride his motorcycle so I rode with a friend. He went 160mph and puked. He knows I'm scared he's going to hurt himself, or get killed on that thing. I mean I love how he enjoys riding. It just hurts when he is reckless. It isn't like the bad boy stories on here. It's no where cute like that. Especially when you risk losing your rock, your soulmate, and your everything.

I didn't bitch at him. I stayed quiet most of the night so I didn't make it awkward for him in front of his friends. When we got home he said he was sorry and kissed my head before going to sleep. I said he has no idea how scared I am that I'm going to lose him.

I just don't know how to deal with not being so worried. He's in the Army and I'm more worried about him getting killed on a motorcycle than overseas. I have to worry about that when he's away, and now I have to worry about it at home too. I feel so selfish but I don't know how to stop.

He has to go to California to train in the desert for pre deployment. He leaves on our anniversary for an entire month before he comes back home. Then he goes again in the Fall. Then off to Korea for 9 months. They're calling it a deployment. I just know I can't go with him and it makes me sad. I understand, though. I knew what kind of life I was marrying in to.

It isn't romantic. It isn't cliche. It's real life. Our marriage seems as real as it gets. We love each other with every ounce of us. We struggle, too.

Watching Army Wives tonight really put me in some type of feelings. I guess it's just bittersweet. I appreciate the fact that I have my soldier here at home with me. He's safe and healthy. It isn't always that way with military marriages. I'm just kind of sad and I don't know why yet.

I'll figure it out.

Yours truly,

Carly