goodbye // completed //

What Was It Like Losing him?

Losing him felt like a ton of bricks fell on top of me and crushed me.

Losing him was like everything I knew  and had was all gone and it was always the first thing in my mind.

Telling me to let him go

Telling me to f**king move on

Forcing me to be strong when I felt like I was about to die but you weren't there to save me.

It was a huge mistake to tell you that I love you.

It was at first perfect that you held me by my waist holding me close as we danced in the backyard at night while everyone was partying hard inside the house.

I was half drunk half sober.

But I really couldn't hold back and stop myself from telling you the truth.

I knew we were best friends.

Just friends.

But I was selfish.

I didn't want us to be just friends.

We've been together for such a long time.

But just as friends.

Even when friends had the word 'end' in it.

I didn't expect that we would end our friendship that night.

We danced and danced and danced.

We laughed til' our cheeks hurt but we kept smiling.

I kissed you by accident but I felt the urge to.

"N-no. W-wait.. Evan I really didn't mean to.. I-i'm sorry.. I really am. I know you love Olivia but I.. have feeling s for you too. E-ever since we met.."

You were completely shocked and you stopped dancing with me....

"Wait Evan! I-i can fix this. Please give me a chance. Please. Don't leave me.."

I cried and begged for forgiveness.

I knew you were taken by some girl who's way more perfect than me.

But I didn't care.

I love you..

I love you so freaking much.

But you only love me as a friend.

I told you more than billions of times that I had feelings for you.

I had been falling hard ever since I met you..

But I was scared

Scared that you'd leave me and eventually you did.