PRUNINGS: Thinning Black & White to Gray

Please Forgive Me

CORY

Heated. More than heated. Hot as hell.

Fully clothed, they were on Cory's bed. It was difficult not to make out with Shanna when he was usually needing to lay down from exhaustion when they saw each other. She was on summer break from college, as was Cory, but his job was demanding and he worked long hours. They didn't see each other much before eight o'clock at night.

Since their relationship rekindled a few months earlier, he had always been able to stop himself from stripping his clothes off but this night, he wasn't sure he could manage it.

Hard as granite, he pushed himself to her just as he would if they were naked and having sex. His desire for her flushed through him. He gritted his teeth, wanting her more than he ever had in all the years they had known each other.

"Cory, I want you so badly. Please let me have you," Shanna said.

"There is nothing I want more than to slip inside you." His hand went to her rear giving him more control.

"Then do it. We've already done it before. What would the harm be?"

She makes a good point. We've already broken the barrier, why would it be so wrong? I love her. She loves me. We are engaged. We ARE getting married!

They dated when Shanna was in high school but ultimately broke up. Their journey back to each other had taken two years but was finally over. He had changed dramatically, getting help for his sex and pornography addiction and she had hit rock bottom just recently, only just now starting to heal. Once they were back in each other's arms, he knew he wanted her forever. He popped the question only three weeks after reconnecting and to his great pleasure, she said yes.

"I'm begging you. I need to feel you. I want you inside me, please." Her voice was quiet but filled with emotion making him remember the why of it all.

I got her pregnant. I ruined our relationship by forcing her to terminate. I did the unthinkable so many times... my addiction... Oh Lord, please help me. I don't want to fail at this again.

He pulled himself away from her, panting. "We can't."

She began to cry.

Oh no, tears. Not tears, I hate the tears. He went to her. "Come here, baby."

She pushed him away. "I don't understand. Why don't you want me?"

He closed his eyes. "I do want you. More than you will ever know. I'm just trying to do this the right way."

"We love each other! Isn't sex an act of love? I don't think I could love you more."

Eyes opening, he fought for his stance. "It's more than love; it's total commitment. It's God's plan. It's doing things in order. I want to do this right, Shanna. And to be honest with you, I'm a little scared."

Her tears stopped as her eyes turned to his. "What are you scared of?"

His heartbeat quickened. Was this the moment he had been dreading since they rekindled their love? "I'm scared of my addiction."

"I thought you were doing well with that."

He sighed. "I am. Abstinence is easy, to a point. I mean it was totally easy before we got back together. Now it's easier than dealing with the fear."

"What is there to be afraid of? It's me. I love you with all my heart. Are you afraid I'm going to hurt you or leave you?"

He took a deep breath. "Yes, I am. But not for the reason you think."