I Will Find You

Part 1

My chest hurt as I heaved in a breath, trying to calm down. The voices were swimming around in my head again.

Yesterday, I had been in the middle of dropping off an unsent letter for a spirit when I got the call from her roommate. She didn't make it home the other night.

Leila. My girlfriend.

My Leila was missing.

A strangled cry came from my lips as I fell to my knees. Her spirit hadn't visited me, that was good, I think. It had been just under 48 hours since she went missing. There was no trace of her, the police said.

"Leila," I cried out in despair as I covered my eyes. They all thought I did this to her. I was just some crazy person to them, but not Leila. No, she believed me and loved me. Tonight was supposed to be a special night. I had planned an amazing dinner to cook for her. It was Valentine's day today. I was going to ask her to move in with me.

"SHUT UP!" I hollered, my hands smacking the sides of my head. The voices became so loud sometimes that I felt I couldn't breathe. Their despair, anger, and desperation seeped into my soul. My psychiatrist thought I was schizophrenic, tried to medicate me. The medicine made me feel as if I lived in a fog, it made the voices sound like they were underwater. I hated the way I felt on them.

Since I met Leila, she helped me gain better control, she was there to help me focus in the worst of times. Now that she was missing, I felt all that progress go down the drain. I had never thought of a possibility where she wasn't here with me.

Out of desperation, I headbutted the wall over and over again, until I became disorientated and slid down the wall. I went back over what had happened to leave me here in this locked room. My psychiatrist, Dr. Sanders had visited me earlier this afternoon at the police station. Said she had gotten a call from them explaining I had made some threatening remarks to both myself and to others last night. I had gone to the bar Leila and I used to frequent in hopes someone had seen or heard something. All I got was a smart ass who remarked Leila had finally gotten sick of my crazy ass. I remember saying something about them being happy if I killed myself. Then the same asshole said something I can't remember, then I blacked out, waking up at the police station.

Dr. Sanders thought it best if I was placed under careful watch for the time being. Pleading with her that I was fine, I began to hyperventilate as two officers walked in ready to handcuff me.

"Please don't do this." I scrambled back, away from the approaching officers. I shook as panic gripped me and frustrated tears fell.

"I'm sorry Declan, but this is for your own good." She stood there watching me with a solemn expression as I struggled. The police shoved me against the wall and handcuffed me. I yelled. I cursed. I struggled more. It didn't matter.

A small crowd had formed outside the station as they escorted me out. I wasn't struggling now as they led me to a police car. As they put me inside, something caught the corner of my eye. My breath hitched. I turned in the seat to look out the back window. The tight cuffs caused me to wince but that pain disappeared when I saw her. She was in the crowd, walking slowly towards the cop car. She was wearing the same outfit when she left the other night, albeit dirtier.

I was about to yell at the cops that she was there when I noticed no one around seemed to notice her. Her eyes met mine. No smile, no tears. Just a solemn look upon her face as she walked through the crowds towards the car I was in. More tears fell as they drove off. I swallowed back the sobs that so desperately wanted to be let out as I slumped over, my heart breaking into a thousand pieces.

It was late into the night by the time I was alone, sitting in my room- or as I called it, my cell. I hated the paper thin scrubs they made us wear and the slippers were even worse. Dr. Sanders tried to talk to me but I refused to say anything. She thought I was still on my meds. I wasn't. Made her think I did.