The bottle shattered as it hit the floor but the shriek of breaking glass was drowned by his cry. His hand collided with the cold marble, as he ground his teeth furiously, keeping his yells contained in his empty chest. He felt the glass puncture his skin, and he wrapped his fingers more firmly around each other. His eyes were closed so tight, he was afraid he would push his eyeballs too far back into his head, not like it mattered to him. Daylight wasn't an essential part of his day. And the last time he had stepped onto the concrete pavement outside was when he had gone out to buy the bottle of vodka, the remains of which were scattered across the polished floor.
"I need your loving hands to come and pick me up"
Her goddamn face was stuck in his head. The way her sparkling brown eyes flitted across his face every time he smiled at her, or the way her hair climbed over her shoulder when the wind gently pushed it. The way her lips parted slightly, before collapsing weakly into a silent pout. Or the way her cheeks melted into a pink so deep when he kissed her, that the roses in her garden would've been jealous. He remembered the way her kiss made him weak, and the way her legs always seemed so damn long, he couldn't ever cease his admiration for them.
"Sometimes it hurts so bad not having you here"
He remembered the way her fingers had curled around his when she had whispered into his ear that night, and gently kissed his neck. He remembered her sultry smile, as she had pushed him against the wall before grinning wide, and stepping back before prancing away.
"Never thought not having you here now would hurt so much"
He shook his head violently, tilting it from side to side praying with all the might he had left inside him that her perfection would ooze out of his ears and leave his thoughts forever. He grabbed the remnant of the vodka bottle and got on his knees before hurling it with heartfelt determination at the wall. After another resounding shatter echoed through his head, he fell to the floor. ignoring the slate stain spreading across the wall paper.
He'd blamed himself for years for what had happened, he hadn't an ounce of strength to even bother to convince himself that it hadn't been his fault. The last time he'd seen her was still burnt in the back of his head.
"It used to feel like a dream, except me always woke up"
Her eyes had been so swollen, the whites of them couldn't be seen. Her cheeks had been so sallow, if he hadn't known her before he would've thought she'd never had any. Her screams had echoed all around the room as she had fallen to her knees, sobbing at his feet. Begging.. Begging.
And bawling.
Her nails had tried desperately to snag his trousers as he had tried to pull away, but caught nothing but the air that was between them. Her hand had smacked the ground and her head had followed after. Her shakes so violent, he had thought she'd never stop. Tears had been racing down his cheeks, tripping over his nose and lips. But he had vowed not to falter. He had stepped back and remembered watching her for a second, before swiftly slipping out of the room, leaving her sobbing on the wooden floor of her apartment. Had he noticed his untied shoe lace earlier, he would've stopped. He would've and he would've heard her scream. He would've heard the desperation in her shriek, and he would've understood.
He would've understood.
"Tonight I've fallen and i can't get up"
But he was already on the pavement outside, when she had shrieked.
And jumped.
And as she had flown through the air, she had closed her eyes. Letting her hair halo around her head. Another tear had slipped from under her eye lid as she plummeted towards the pavement.
Towards him.
He hadn't noticed, instead he had been on his knee, doing up his lace when her had body had slapped the pavement, an inch from his kneeling body.
The shock that had shaken his body, had electrocuted his brain so violently, he hadn't been able to register his surroundings.
Her broken, mangled body had lain right before his eyes. The eyes he used to stare into, had stared lifelessly at him.
His hands had already been on her face when people began to gather around, he had shaken her and called to her and urged her to wake up, with his mind, body and soul. But she didn't move. She didn't speak. She didn't breathe. But her cheeks were still wet.
Still, wet.
Wet from the ten minutes before, when he had beckoned those tears right out of her eyes.
He had shouted, and yelled and shrieked into the air. He had called and called and called her name. He had called her name over and over and over and willed her to awaken, stand up and brush her self, before taking his hand and walking down the street.
He shook her body again, before he had felt arms drag him from her. He fought, and he cried and he tried to wrestle out of the strong grip. But to no avail. His hands had just grabbed more air.
"I need your loving hands to come and pick me up"
He had brought his hand to his face, and felt the wet wake of his tears. As he had cupped his eyes, and cried harder.
And though her cheeks were still wet, he knew she'd never cry another tear again.
"The stars are holding you tonight."
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