The 99 Problems of Being Sam.

Problem Six: I'm a flirt.

Confession time: I may be a bit of a flirt myself. I know, I know, I said they're a problem and to be honest we are! Some of us can be real nuisances to society, but there are a select few such as yours truly who actually moderate how much we do it. Sometimes I can even catch myself doing it and stop before the girl gets her hopes up, or before she gets too annoyed and slaps me, both of which have happened before. I actually remember my first girlfriend, and how we met...

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I kept sneaking glances at the girl, thinking about how to go about this. I didn't know her all that well, but I liked what I knew and saw. I decided that the best way to go about this was to flirt for a bit, then ask the million dollar question. "Can't be that hard to ask someone out, can it?" I muttered as I pushed off the wall and walked over to her, filled with newfound confidence. I would take it slow. If she said yes to lunch, I'd ask her to the dance. If she denied, I'd just be John's wingman for the dance again...speaking of wingman, John wasn't here. It made me feel a twinge of frustration. He was so gonna get it when I saw him again...

I shook off my frustration at my best friend and tapped the girl on the shoulder, causing her to turn around rather quickly. "Oh, s'up Sammy?" She questioned with a smile when she looked down at me. I smiled back and said, "Not me, that's for sure." She burst into laughter at my joke, and I laughed a bit too. Not at the joke, but the fact that she still laughed at it even though I use it every single day. "You know Grace, most people stop laughing at jokes after the second or third time. This is, like, the millionth time I've used it," I said matter-of-factly. She just started giggling, which made me smile and blush a bit, as well as rub my wrist. It was a nervous habit of mine...

"Doesn't mean it's not funny. Besides, I was mainly laughing at the fact that the girl who walked by giggled at it."

At the mention of another girl, I turned my head a bit to see her. She was stopped by a shop and made eye contact, to which I smiled as affectionately as I could and winked. It was meant to just be friendly, but her face turned deep crimson and she hurried off, glancing back at me with a nervous smile. "Well then. I'll try not to be offended by that reaction!" I joked, turning back to a weird looking Grace. "Uh...Gracie? You alright there?" I questioned. My cheeks burned a bit and I got butterflies in my stomach when she nodded and threw her arm around my shoulders. "'Course I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be? Hey, I'm free this afternoon, let's grab some lunch!" She suddenly exclaimed. The sudden change of subject normally would've sparked suspicion in me, but I was too excited at her having progressed my plan and saving me from having to ask her to lunch.

I nodded eagerly. "Yeah, I'm starving!" She grabbed my hand and began to lead me off in the direction of our favourite diner, Jamming Diners. "Weird name for a diner. And why not do Jame's Diner and somethin' instead of Jamming Diner? I was so confused when I first tried to say it! Jame-ing Diner, really?" She griped. I never got why the name bugged her so much, but I just laughed and humored her. "Yeah, kinda confusing I guess."

When we got there they were actually a lot busier than normal. Normal was typically threw and four people, just so you know. There were at least fifteen people not including the group of girls at the table next to ours. "They're actually making good business for once," Grace commented, leaning around in her seat and craning her neck to observe everyone. I nodded in absolute agreement. "True dat woman," I said in a joking Russian accent. I don't know why I decided to say it with an accent, but it made her burst into laughter, which made me blush and smile, looking down at my hands and giving a nervous chuckle. The girls in the group next to me giggled a bit as well, causing me to turn my attention towards them.

"I'm gonna head to the bathroom, be right back." I glanced up at Grace as she stood and nodded to acknowledge her statement. "Alright, I promise only to take a few of your fries if they get here!" I called with a playful smile. When she laughed my cheeks heated up a bit. Man, she really was pretty awesome... I sighed a bit. Who was I kidding? She was way out of my league. I stood no chance with her, like, at all...

"Hey, was that your girlfriend?"

The question jarred me out of my little depression and I glanced at the person who asked it. She was in the group of five girls who were giggling and whispering amongst each other. I instantly let my mood lighten and flashed a smile at all of them. "Don't I wish? If all goes well she will be soon, but I doubt it. Any of you lovely ladies have any advice for a lonely guy like myself?" I questioned, tilting my head to the side a bit. One of them instantly piped up, "Yeah, yeah, of course! You just have to, uh, be really nice and such, ya know. LIke, you know, be confident but not too much uh, and such, yeah!" I directed my eyes to her and smiled gratefully. "Thanks. You ladies truly are a delight, any guy would consider himself lucky to be with you," I said. I wasn't trying to edge them on, I was simply trying to compliment them. Of course, I knew I was being friendlier than called for in a situation such as this, but did that matter? I enjoyed being kind...

Three of the five blushed and looked away, while the other two smiled and shook their heads, making me chuckle a bit. The three who blushed started whispering and soon enough stood, crossing the short distance form their table to my own. "Oh, uh, ladies? What're...what're you doing?" I questioned a bit nervously. "We were just wondering if you wanted to join us at another diner, just a couple blocks down. This one's being a bit slow anyways, what'dya say?" The one who had spoken first explained. I stood and backed away a bit. "Uh, no. You already know I'm here with someone else, and I'd like to stay with her if you wouldn't mind..." I said quickly.

"Oh come on, it'll be a blast! Besides, she's been in the bathroom for quite a while, are you sure she didn't leave?"

The thought of Grace ditching me hurt. It hurt a lot. I shook my head furiously. "No, she'd never do that!" I insisted. We were starting to cause a bit of a scene and I became more anxious and self-conscious than I had been since talking to Grace. "You never know, do you?" One of the girls questioned, getting close up. A little too close. If I can smell the gum you have then you are way too close to be appropriate.

"Hey, back off of him!"

Oh my gosh. My saving grace, pun intended.

She seized my tiny wrist and glared at the girls. "Don't go fillin' his head with your bull, got it? He knows I'd never up n' leave him like that!" And with that Grace dragged me out of the diner, towards the ice-cream parlor.

"You're going with me to the dance."

I smiled widely at her statement.

"Knew you'd never ask!"

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So yeah. My (unpurposeful, of course!) flirting got me into trouble with those girls and temporarily banned from the diner. It's gotten me into some interesting situations, one involving Grace's mother thinking I was making moves on her. Gross. Like, really really gross. Her mother is forty something years old! Besides, that was after the Valentine's day incident, so I wanted nothing to do with her or her daughter...that's for a later time though. Both the incident and the friendliness-misconceived-as-flirting mishap with Grace's mom.