Fearless (A Mulan Retelling)

Chapter Forty Six

Hell, even he had had a hard time controlling the lump in his throat.

She looked up at him... her brown eyes soft and her expression sorrowful. In this moment, he found it hard to believe that he had once been fooled by her disguise. Now he saw, not for the first time, that she was far too... far too lovely, for lack of better words, to be a man. He wondered if the rest of the group knew but were just not saying anything about it. Zayn doubted it after a moment of thought... she did put up a good act. A really good act. He drew his gaze back forward, shaking his head.

He sighed at the predicament she had put him in... the one that he couldn't seem to pull himself from. On one hand, he knew that he would have to keep her as she was. He would have to leave her as Ingred, let her do as she planned in the beginning, and part ways with her at the end of the war. That was the only way to ensure that her life was saved. On the other hand... was a matter of something entirely different, something he could have never expected. This was purely a matter of his selfishness.

He knew now that there was something he carried within him. Something that he didn't like to admit --not even to himself. He wanted her alive and well, yes. But even more than that, he wanted her heart. Somewhere in the mess of war, fighting, and desolation, he found himself harvesting affection for her.

Gods damn it all, the general thought and shoved the idea out of his mind, Why this? Why this now? Gods, we're in the middle of a war. This is not the time for me to care for a girl.

In truth, he never saw himself as someone who'd go weak for a woman. He was always the war general -- nothing more.

He wondered if she had figured out that he knew. Because even though he was desperately trying to pretend he didn't know her secret... he wasn't sure how to act around her anymore. At the beginning, he had figured he would get used to the idea. But now... now he knew that he got less and less used to treating her like one of his men with each passing day.

"Things are awful quiet," Ra interrupted Zayn's thoughts, "What happened to the conversation that we usually have on the road?"

"Nothing fazes you, does it, lad?" Shen asked.

"Some things," the warrior commented, "Like my wife. She fazes me."

"Your wife?" Iris asked in a low voice, "I didn't know that you were married."

"Ah," he said in good humor, "Yes. I do have a wife. Been married for a while now. It's all great and good at first... but then, then everything changes."

"You don't like it now?"

"Of course I like it," he answered, "I love my wife more than I can say. But damn it all... she can get scary sometimes. That's why I am so hardy to these Tokens... because I know that I would rather be fighting an enemy than having her mad at me. Even if they seem fragile, a woman scorned is scarier than any man can understand."

This made Iris chuckle. It was loud enough for Ra to hear.

"You think it's funny now -- now that you're young. Wait till you get yourself a pretty, young wife o' your own -- a loyal one who actually walks to the end of the altar with yeh... then you'll see."

The general found himself laughing at this, only because of the irony of Ra's words. Iris would obviously never know what it felt like to have a wife. After all, Iris would be the wife in the picture.

"You too, general. You may be tough... but you're still young. Even a strong commander like you can be undone by a woman. You just wait," he warned Zayn. The general would have agreed --but he didn't. He didn't feel like it would be good to mention that he was currently being undone by one, one that was sitting right behind him.

"If you say so," Zayn chuckled, and then hardened his expression, "If I ever decide to take a wife. I have war on my hands right now. I have no time for such things." Ra scoffed at this response and crossed his arms.

"You'll see... you just wait," Ra looked at the group, "Is there anyone else here that's married?"

"I am," Dregar said after a second, a trace of a smile present on his face, "I know you speak the truth. Women can most certainly be complicated. You have to be very careful with them."

Zayn turned back to look at the group. Most of the men were wearing jovial expressions at the light conversation. Iris --Iris was wearing the biggest smirk the general had ever seen in his entire life. No doubt she was smirking at how Ra and Dregar were speaking of women. Zayn wanted to speak up and tell them that at least the girls that they cared for wasn't deadly with a set of daggers.

But he didn't. Instead, he kept his mouth shut tight. They kept riding forward, the conversation dying once more. Iris wasn't sure whether or not she preferred the quiet. Sure... it made for some long days. Yet, it gave her room to constantly sort her thoughts, which is something that she could have never expected the moment that she left home.

Hours passed. The evening sun now sat low on the horizon. Usually they would be making camp by now, but they were not. Iris could see Wallfront in the distance. They were getting close. She did not suspect they would rest until they arrived. She felt strange, considering that Wallfront would be the last place they stopped before moving out of Eldia and into Garhemia. Their mission was getting closer and closer to completion.

She wondered, for what seemed like the hundredth time, whether or not they would succeed in doing what they were assigned.

"I have a question, sir," she spoke out to Zayn.

"Yes?"

"You've said all this time that our assignment is to invade this fortress. I understand that. What I do not understand," she paused, "Is that you are the General."

"What?" he asked, confused by her wording.

"What I mean is: you are the General. You do not take orders from other commanders to the best of my knowledge," she elaborated, "So... who assigned you this mission? Who told you that this was what we should do?"

"Perceptive of you," he chuckled, "You are right. I don't take orders from other commanders. I get orders straight from our emperor in Oraborn. He was the one who suggested that I take a group into their base. He was the one who had me send spies there. And he was the one that turned me from Captain to General when my father died."

It clicked. She had forgotten about the emperor. Well, in a sort. She always knew that there was an emperor that governed the country, but she had never given him much more thought. She had never had reason to.

"That makes sense," she replied, "I guess I should have known. I don't think of him very much... considering I've always lived in a small village, where we don't have a lot of dealings with him."

"I see."

And then, just like that, everything was silent. Again. No one seemed to have anything else to say. Iris guessed that that was probably what happened to everyone that spent a very long time together. After all, she had run out of things to talk about as well. Now, she looked toward Wallfront. They were getting closer by the minute. Even so, Iris felt like night would fall before they were at the metropolis's front gates.

With a sigh, she shut her eyes. She was tired. She hoped that they could find a good place to sleep in Wallfront... and fast. Otherwise, she might fall over.

Come on, Iris, she thought to herself, reopening her eyes.

Stay awake. You are close now. To Wallfront and the end of your journey. The end of what you started. Everything is falling into place now, she continued her talk with herself.

You are strong. You are brave. You are ready.

Destiny awaits.

She snorted after a second her hackneyed, inner pep-talk and took care to add. ...Or painful death.