More Than Just Lovers (Book 2)

8. Blame

~Leo

I honestly have no idea why I did it. Kyle had talked me out of the thoughts of blaming Josh as soon as I first had them. I knew I couldn't blame him. I could only blame the Andrews, or whatever their real name is. But the second I saw him again, I couldn't stop myself.

So I left. I didn't know why I did it, and didn't know how to even begin apologizing. So I went upstairs to just away from the situation for a while.

As I was walking towards my bedroom, I stopped in the doorway of the kids'. I looked at Logan's bed first - empty and sad. He should be in there right now, fast asleep. I had to rip my eyes away from my bed to Ashley's, to check on her, except she wasn't there.

I flipped on the light and hurried over to her side of the room, to make sure she didn't fall out of bed or something. Nothing. I was about to run downstairs to start another search for our other child when I noticed Alyssa standing at the door, arms crossed over her chest. She looked pissed.

"Do you know where Ashley is?"

"Yep."

"Are you going to tell me?"

"Nope."

I sighed, sitting down on Logan's bed and grabbing his favorite stuffed animal. I buried my face against Simba's head, breathing in the scent of my son. He was probably terrified right now, wherever he was, and he didn't even have Simba to help. He was completely alone.

"Just because you're angry about this situation doesn't mean you can be mad at every person that gets in your way."

I looked up at Alyssa, who was still standing in the same spot. "I didn't meant to hit him. I would never hurt him like that."

"Yeah? Well guess what, Leo. You did." She shook her head, inhaling sharply through her nose. "If you had hit Jackson or Kyle, I wouldn't be this pissed at you right now because I'm sure they would have hit you back until you came to your senses. But no. You hit Josh, my little brother, and I'm here to hit you back for him, because we both know he wouldn't, no matter how mad he got."

I put the stuffed animal aside. "Do your worst," I told Alyssa. "Hit me, kick me, claw out my eyes. I don't care. I deserve it all for laying a hand on him."

She sighed before coming over and sitting down on the bed next to me. "I get why you're mad," she said, her voice surprisingly soft. I honestly expected her to actually hit me. "But don't be mad at Josh. If you're going to point fingers, you should be pointing them at me. I never should have told Paul the truth. Maybe then he wouldn't have thought about taking Logan."

"The sick fuck probably would have anyway," I muttered. "Paul's not even his real name. None of them gave us their real name." I grabbed Simba again and held onto him tight.

Alyssa placed her hand against my arm reassuringly. "We'll find him, Leo. Logan will come home. He's always been the one to come back. If it was Ashley, well..." Alyssa let out a sad chuckle. "He'll come home. He has to."

~Josh

The three of us were all getting ready to head to bed, even though we were all thinking that sleep wasn't really going to happen tonight, when Leo appeared in the doorway. He was holding Logan's stuffed Simba in his hand, looking almost pathetic as he looked at me, guilt filling his eyes.

"Josh, love. I am so sorry."

I didn't know what to say to him. So I didn't say anything, focusing instead on grabbing a clean pair of underwear out of the draw. I needed a shower, and I was hoping taking one would help me clear my head and figure everything out.

Walking by Leo without looking at him was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do. He reached out to me when I was close enough, but I flinched away. I didn't even mean to do that, it just happened.

"Please don't touch me," I whispered before hurrying the rest of the way to the bathroom, not wanting to see his reaction.

I was only in the shower for a couple minutes when I heard the door open. The next thing I knew, there was a body standing in the shower behind me. Turning slowly, my eyes landed on Leo, completely naked and, if it was possible, looking even more guilty than he did before.

"What are you doing?" I asked quietly.

"Apologizing."

"In here?"

"Yes, because I don't know another way to get you to look at me long enough to talk without you running away from me."

I dropped my gaze to the floor, not knowing what to say to that. Maybe I had been running from him in the last hour, but I just didn't know what to say to him, and I wasn't sure if I was ready to hear his side of things yet.

His fingers very gently lifted my chin up before ghosting along the bruise he had left on my cheek. I winced slightly at the contact, but I wasn't flinching away from him, just the pain.

"Does it hurt?"

I shrugged. "It's not that bad." After a moment, I asked, "Why did you do it?"

Leo lowered his hand to his side. "Because I'm an idiot? Because I'm mad at the world and lashed out? I never meant to hurt you. I never even meant to touch you like that."

"But you did." My voice wavered as I said that and I tried my hardest not to cry again. I didn't want to cry.

"I am so sorry and I will forever hold that against me. I love you so much, Josh. And if I made you blame yourself for all of this because I'm an awful person, then I am so sorry for that too. You'll always be my little bumblebee, and nothing will ever change that in my heart. So even if you stay mad at me forever, I won't ever blame you and I'll be ten times madder at myself for hurting you."

I threw my arms around him, unable to help myself as I pressed the side of my face that wasn't bruised against his chest. He hugged me back, gently kissing the top of my head.

We stood like that for a few minutes, letting the warm water run over us, before Leo broke the silence. "Remember what you told me once? When was it - I think just before the kids were born or just after graduation or something." I backed up to look at him, not remembering. "You said 'we've become more than just roommates or friends with each other and moved to being lovers' or something along those lines. Hell, we're more than just lovers now. We're family, which means I will always be here for you. No matter what. And I promise to never hurt you again."

I smiled, not remembering saying that, but liking the way the sounded anyway. Reaching my hands around his neck I pulled him down so that I could kiss him. It didn't last very long before I broke it, other thoughts invading my brain.

"I'm sorry," I said, looking back down at the floor.

He lifted my chin up again. "I thought that was my line for today," he said with a small smirk. "Why are you sorry, love?"

I shook my head. "Because I doubted you. I-I was already blaming myself and then you came home an-and confirmed my thoughts. I should have known that you'd never think that, but I did. And I think... I think that's what hurt more than anything."

Leo didn't speak as he pulled me in for another hug. We stood there, wrapped in each other's arms until the water had gone cold and Jackson even poked his head in to make sure we were still here, which we took as our cue to hurry up and get out of the shower.

I hated fighting with them, and I was so glad that we were able to talk things out before going to bed. We needed as much sleep as we could get before tomorrow comes, which would be completely dedicated to whatever we could do to bring Logan home.