This Little Girl

Tween

I was eleven at this point. I had developed anxiety and depression. I thought everything was completely normal. This was no normal everyday thing. Not to everyone else at least.

     I started having suicidal thoughts. Constantly. I started loosing more and more confidence as the year went on. I had already lost confidence in the past.

     The suicidal thoughts, depression, and anxiety got to me in a way that nothing else could. I didn't try to kill myself but I started cutting. It wasn't a good sight. I thought it was fine because it made me feel better. Little did I know that just a small sharp blade to my skin could easily kill me.

     My cutting habit went on and on. Non Stop. I turned twelve and it calmed down a bit. I thought it was over, all of my depressing and suicidal thoughts were over! Oh boy was I in for a treat. It wasn't over.

     I also started having what I would call 'Anorexic Thoughts' that year. It's horrible. One week I'm starving myself and the next week I'm binging. I know I'm not fat when I'm around people but then I look in the mirror and suddenly I feel fat. I would even just look at people I see everyday that were bigger than me but prettier, and think "I wish I was as skinny as them". It's not a good situation.