Year of Mistaken Discoveries

Chapter 2

Chapter Two

Time seemed to freeze.  Colton stood against the pantry shelves, boxes of cereal lined up behind him. It was like he’d brought his posse of the Lucky Charms Leprechaun, Tony the Tiger, and the Rice Krispy Boys to stick up for him.

“You seriously want to break up?” I repeated.

Colton sighed. “Maybe.” We stood in the pantry a few inches apart staring at each other.  “All we do is fight.”

I wanted to argue with him, but the irony about fighting about if we fight too much wasn’t lost on me. Part of me wanted to jump at what Colton was suggesting and end it, and the other half of me was freaking out and wanting to grab a hold of him before he could leave. I felt myself starting to tear up. It wasn’t that I was sad. It was that I was frustrated, how could I not know what I wanted?

“Hey, don’t cry.” Colton shifted nervously. He looked around and grabbed a roll of paper towels and passed them over to me.

I wanted to throw the paper towels or scream, but if tears were making him uncomfortable, me losing it would really make him flee. “We’ve been together a long time,” I said.  

“Yeah.”

“Do you want to date someone else?” I asked.

His eyes shifted away from mine. “No.”  I would bet money he was lying, but I wasn’t sure if it was to me or to himself. Colton liked to think of himself as one of the good guys, and he was. I’d never worried about him cheating on me.

My throat felt tight, like I couldn’t squeeze out any more words. I was like a prisoner waiting for a judge to pass sentence. Now I wanted it over. If he was going to dump me I wanted him to do it and get it over with. This felt like waiting for the doctor to give you the shot, you know it’s coming, you know it’s going to hurt, but the waiting is the worst. The horrid part is that I wanted him to do it.

“Jeez, I’m wasted, do we have to do the serious stuff now?” Colton rubbed his forehead. “Maybe we could just take a break,” Colton finally said. “Talk about it some other time.”

“A break?” What did that even mean? We were going to put our relationship on hold?

“You know, take some time. Sort out what we want to do. Sometime when we’re both sober.” I could see the idea growing on him. It sounded really reasonable and didn’t make any real decision. No wonder Colton was the president of our class. He was born to be a politician.

“Okay, sure. We’ll take a break.” It seemed easier to agree since I didn’t know what I wanted either.

Colton let out a low breath; he was relieved. “You’ll be okay?”

“Me?” I squeaked. I wiped my eyes with a wad of paper towels. What would make him think I wasn’t okay? Just because I was standing in a pantry crying?  I shrugged. “I’m fine.”

Colton was already stepping out of the pantry making his escape. “We’ll talk in a couple days, okay?”

I smiled and nodded like I couldn’t imagine anything I’d rather do. He squeezed my hand and then ducked out. I shut the door behind him and slid down so I was sitting on the floor. I stared at the giant bag of organic dog kibble across from me. I wondered how long it would take the news to spread at the party.  I didn’t want to ever leave the pantry. Heck, I might not need to. There was plenty of food in here, a couple of cases of Diet Coke on the floor, and even a bucket. I’d become a pantry hermit. I’d come out only in the middle of the night when the rest of the world was sleeping to take a shower and then come right back to live on stale Fruit Loops and dried beans. I wonder how Ryan’s parents would feel about me moving in here. If I offered to do a few chores around the place they might let me stay.