I have voices, in my head, they are talking, known only by letter, about a life I might once have had. I don't want them to stop. Not until they show me the way.
Remember, life is good. No matter what the struggles are that we still face, life is better now than a year ago. A day of unhappiness for me today is far more productive than what an average week was like last year.
So, although I've been stressed and kind of miserable, I won't allow myself to get distracted again. In a sense, and I try not to speculate too, too much, but even the Wall Street thing ending was something of a necessity.
If it had continued I would have fallen into complacency again and would not have continued pursuing my ultimate goals.
And I think that after all that I've done wrong over the years, with our best interests in mind, however, I have to remind myself of what I am best designed to do.
You see, most of us focus on our shortcomings, and expend too much energy trying to fix our weaknesses, rather than using that energy and focus to exploit our true talents and strengths in order to achieve success and to fulfill our life's purpose and our true calling. But it sometimes takes a reluctant and forced acceptance (via an external influence or event) of what our strengths really are to finally develop the confidence and determination to pursue our true selves properly.
And I also must accept the fact that what I am is not what I've been trying to be and that my inability to set aside my writerly ambitions is not the result of some romanticized stubbornness or an idealized notion of the "writer's life", but that it is a true calling and that there is an almost supernatural force mandating that I become exactly that (although even as I wrote that I felt uncomfortable and disbelieving as though I am selling myself the concept).
Regardless, as Gary V. advises (I'm paraphrasing here), from now on I am going to focus on leveraging my strengths, not on fixing my weaknesses and shortcomings
And as Popeye said, "I am what I am, and that's all that I am" and all I could ever want to be.
And that's all any of us can really hope for as we travel through our lives, to acquire a true understanding of our actual selves, and to live life, to be (i am), exactly who we really are.
So be happy. We will make our lives, and our life together, exactly how we want them to be so long as we know what that life looks like and so long as we remain focused and proactive to ensure that every day, through every action and inaction, we are moving in a positive direction bringing us closer and closer to the ultimate achievement of that goal.
