Hello........... there...... it's been quite some time hasn't it. I'm crying myself to sleep tonight..... once again. It's actually been a long time since I've cried myself to sleep. I've forgotten how much it hurts. I feel like I'm doing something wrong, i did something wrong, I'm an annoyance, I'm doing to much, I'm stupid, I'm a bitch, rude, horrible, mean, I said something wrong, or it could be me overthinking............. I fucking care way to much about others feeling than my own feelings even though they probably don't give a single damn about me.......... I wish i just didn't love as much or care or really anything at all............... I know i said something wrong and i fucked up again..... and again and again and again.....it's me.
Hello i accidentally went to sleep last night while typing..... I'm better but, hurts still i feel like i just mess up shit about talking about one of my guy best friends and all this........... I got angry yesterday earlier in the afternoon because i was mad on how someone was talking bad about one of my guy best friends...... i got way to angry.. i probably shouldn't have even said a thing or a word. I should have just sucked it up and take it and just don't care. The problem is i care.... i care and i care way to much...... so i guess i got anger a hold of me once again. I know i should have stayed quiet because all of what i said and that anger reminded me of how my last argument was with my very best friend..... Matthew...... the way I was yesterday was the same way i was when i last..... and spoke.........to Matthew...... which was my fault...... but anyways, I want just..... to go back to how when i was happy... no pain, no hurt, not as depressed, no crying myself to sleep at night, no crying almost every night, no overthinking as much, not as much anxiety, and not as much bad or anything really just....... want to have more memories and smiles that are real and good........ i guess that depends on me only...... I....guess. Well let's see how today is. Yeah! Be happy, Smile, and i guess laugh... I guess that's all i have to do..
Until....then...........
YOU ARE READING
Lacuna self
Randomjust feelings and life. I will update daily, not like a diary exactly. Lacuna means a blank space, a missing part
