my thoughts

Idiot!

I'm a complete idiot. 2 days... I've been awake till 4am-sleeping till 8am so thats only 8 hours sleep in the last two days. I'm so stupid. Insomnia suck's ! I write my thoughts on paper every day but I still can't sleep. Life sucks,i Suck. What's the point in living if your to tired to enjoy it? It's bright nights and dark days! People say stay strong but why stay strong when your best friend is your tears. I cut for a reason, now that I stopped my scars are fading... Everything fades memories, friends, love and people. Most people says that pain disappears but that's not true, pain doesn't disappear it gets replaced by a worser pain that grows. Life is stupid...

I don't know what I'm still doing alive. I'm f*cked! I'm scared of bathing. Why you ask? I burnt my wrist on the hot water tap,AGAIN! I held my breath under water to try to drown my self, AGAIN! I hate the way I look, I'm ugly, I'm a nerd, I'm weird, I have no friends. I boast about how smart I am. I talk to much. Wow! I'm a absolute b*tch! I'm not right In the head. I'm f*cking suicidal. I went to the doctors on the 27th of January. I was told that this is just a stage! I was told I'm not depressed, I'm just sad. I was told that I was fine. What is fine? I'm sure as hell that I'm not fine. I'm scared of sleeping. Nightmares take up the very little sleep I get nowadays. I want know if this is a stage when will it stop because 3 months so far and nothing is getting better it's getting worse! I need help but no one listens. I'M SUCH AN IDIOT!!!

I wish that I could fly way up in the sky....