He keeps a journal to hold his darkest thoughts... Maybe it'll cure him of this illness? Apparently the one thing that might cure what plagues Yuuri's heart is Viktor himself.
What are the odds of the two of them meeting? Probably zero to nothing...
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"How can you explain
when you don't
even know it yourself?"
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April 9
I sort of just want to laze around and stay in bed, doing absolutely nothing. I finished all that boring homework yesterday anyways. But I should know better.
There's also another reason I just want to stay in bed. I need to think. Writing this down just isn't enough. Viktor talked to me yesterday! Not only that, he ignored the kids calling his name across the room just to talk TO ME. I'm not sure whether to feel ecstatic or mortified.
What if this keeps happening and he chooses to talk to me instead? Not that it's going to but won't those kids be upset?
I think back to Phichit's words about how some could possibly kill to be in my situation. I swallow dryly, my throat suddenly feeling like sandpaper. He was just kidding, right...? I continue writing.
I hope they won't be upset at me. I don't want the same thing to happen like last year.
At this point, images of the incidents flash across my mind like lightening. I wince and slam the notebook shut, getting up from my desk. Writing won't help me today.
I glance over at the curtains parting open the window right near my bed and see the trees rustling gently in the wind. Looks like I'm going to have to go out today.
There's only one other thing that'll help.
I change into a tight fitting red gym shirt and my athletic pants. I grimace down at myself as I pinched my stomach a little. Oh god, give me one spring break and this happens. I have to do something about this. I zip my jacket up to the collar in determination.
I grab a bag and placed my water bottle and towel inside. I look over at my ice skates sitting beside my dresser temptingly. Maybe not today.
After grabbing my phone and headphones I stomp down the stairs into the family room. My older sister, Mari, looks up from the couch in mild surprise.
"Oi Yuuri, where are you going?"
"I'm heading out for a bit. Gonna go for a run." I simply replied and bent down to lace my sneakers. She only mutters, "About time." before I shut the door of the otherwise empty household behind me.
My parents are still busy at work. But knowing them, they'd want me back home in time for dinner. I turn my music up loud and begin jogging down the sidewalk towards no destination.
The air is a lot less humid from the small shower we received yesterday. I breathe in and out as I run in a steady pace, tasting the last remnants of rain in the air. The sky is a lovely clear blue with only wisps of clouds dotting it.
It reminds me of Viktor's eyes; those piercing azure eyes that locked with mine and startled me out of my little world yesterday. He chooses to talk to me at that moment since I gave up on escaping. I knew very well that there'll be no stopping having a conversation with him. I always left the classroom to head to bathroom to avoid having to talk to him. The whole week I really wanted to but there was some part of me that just didn't want it to happen. I feel like there's a hidden fear I haven't quite grasped.
I've already ran a mile but it feels like I've only started running. The only evidence is how I'm starting to breathe a little harder, my chest rising and falling in waves. I let my thoughts take over with ease, making me pay less attention to the music leaking in my ears.
If it weren't for me doing a little exercise I bet my heart would start speeding up. I remember everything so clearly.
"Wait up Yuuri!" A voice cries out and I hear pounding footsteps try to catch up with me. I feel a hand wrap around my wrist and I blink once before turning around. I knew very well who that voice belonged to.
"I want to talk to you some more. Please, every day from now." Viktor breathes out, looking at me with such intensity that I suddenly found it hard to breathe. His words were almost pleading, ripping me slowly from the inside.
'He wants to talk to me!' was the only coherent thought that ran through my head. I hope I disguised the stupid grin that tried to make its way on my face.
I smack myself mentally. I'm supposed to be trying to avoid him, not wanting to talk to him more! But how can I say no to those eyes?!
I breathe out solemnly as I turned and headed back home. The sun was already starting to set, bathing the sky in brilliant warm colors of orange and fiery reds. I was met with the inevitable.
If I choose to talk to him from now on, not only will things end bad for me...but something might go wrong for Viktor. After all, someone like him shouldn't be talking to a loser introvert.
Is it wrong that I ignored the logical part of my mind?
