Colored Ivory

Truth

Ryan looked a hot mess.

His blonde hair was completely disgruntled and unkempt. He had facial hair that looked like it hadn't been touched in weeks. His usually clean clothing was a wrinkled black T-shirt with an American checkered flannel and dirty black denim jeans. I noticed his posture lacked confidence, but what really got to me were his eyes. Those same sparkly ocean colored eyes I'd fallen for were dull and empty. He had bags under them like he hadn't gotten proper sleep in days, and his lips were chapped and swollen like he'd been picking at them.

"It's been awhile." He practically whispered.

I nodded and crossed my arms over my stomach, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. "Yep."

He was staring at me, but I couldn't bring myself to look at him anymore. His eyes were too lifeless.

The silence was clearly uncomfortable for everyone, because Nakira spoke up.

"Well, Zabrion is probably looking for me. Can you guys help me find him?" She was looking at our group, who happily obliged. They all quickly melted into the crowd, leaving me with Ryan.

"Can we talk?" Ryan asked me.

I scoffed. "We have nothing to talk about."

"I think we do. Come on, Sim, just let me explain."

"There's nothing to explain." I'd turned to walk away from him, but his hand grazing my arm froze me.

"Simone, I miss you. I miss us." He said.

"Cuz I haven't heard that one before."

"Well I mean it. I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I was trying to do the exact opposite."

"What the hell does that mean?!" I'd finally detonated. "You ignored me for a week straight without any forewarning. At the basketball game, you literally saw me trying to get away from Justin. You were my only hope, but you walked away and left me hanging. Then I find out you're talking shit behind my back? After everything that'd happened between us, after I finally gave into how I felt-- feel-- about you, you proudly announce that you were basically using me! How were you not trying to hurt me?"

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "It's complicated, but if you let me explain what happened, I promise it'll all make sense. I think I can make this right."

"I'm failing to see how. I let my guard down for you, but you took that and ran with it. I've never felt so low in my life. You nearly broke me."

"But you're ignoring the fact that I broke myself in the process." He looked down. "I can hardly talk to my family anymore, let alone friends. You're the only one I care about at the moment. I keep thinking about how I screwed up, but I wanna fix this. Please, Sim.... Just one chance."

I felt my thoughts pulling me in opposite directions. My heart was with the side that wanted me to give Ryan another chance, but my pride was screaming fuck him. I couldn't act like I didn't like Ryan anymore, especially after admitting it out loud. That's just not something you can so easily take back, but what he did cut me deeper than any blade could. I wanted to yell at him, curse him out, hit him-- anything to make him feel the same pain he'd caused me... but I also wanted to hug him, kiss him, and hear what he had to say. I didn't realize how much I had truly missed Ryan, until he was standing right in front of me.

So I chose my heart.

"OK." I finally said. "I'll hear you out, but I'm telling you right now; this is it. You deserve a chance to explain yourself, but I'm not guaranteeing this will make everything alright."