➰ICY➰ Alec Lightwood♣️

♠️Bonus♠️

She is doing it again.

Hit.

She doesn't even give a thought about how I feel.

Hit.

And, I am tired.

Hit. Hit.

"Alec..." Izzy's voice shakes me from my comatose state and I drop my weapon, its sound echoing through the empty training room. Sweat is rolling off my face down my neck, but I don't give a damn. I let out a big sigh and turn to face my sister.

"What?" I grit out, but my tone doesn't even phase Izzy. She just smiles at me kindly and steps closer, putting her hand on my cheek. I try to shake off her hand, but she holds my face with both of her hands making me look at her.

"Alec, she is feeling guilty" she whispers to me which makes me even madder.

"Well, she should have thought about it before she went out on her own to do a kamikaze mission. Izzy, I am tired. She doesn't understand that, when I tell her to stay put, it is because I care about her, I love her and I don't want to see her get hurt. I can't bear it... Not after..." I trail off, because I can't even utter the words about that horrible day. It is still fresh in my mind, every single detail, her broken eyes...

"I know, I know. She knows it too. But you know her, she is stubborn, she can't sit around when she knows she can do something about saving people" Izzy says desperately. I know that she is right, but I just can't do it. Whenever we go on a mission together with Ivy, all I can think about is, how to keep her safe and unharmed. And that is exactly why, I have failed numerous times. Because she has been always the priority for me. And in order to stop this, I have asked her, begged her to stay at the institute during dangerous missions. But she doesn't even listen. She doesn't understand, what it means to always worry that I will lose her all over again. She doesn't get that. She thinks I am doing it out of my selfishness. But I am not.

She doesn't know the agony I have been through when she was gone.

When we came back with her six months ago, everyone was just so happy that no one ever mentioned the things that happened at that dreadful night. It was like no one wanted to remember it.

But I did. I do. Every single night.

I still have nightmares about it. Me, Alec Lightwood, who has not cared about feelings till Ivy, is now a lovesick puppy and I can't do a damn about it. I have tried to fight it. That time when Ivy was away, I tried to suppress my feelings, but they only grew bolder. And that was the time when I understood that, I could never go on without Ivy ever again. I told her everything that day when I went to take her home with me. That I have grown to treasure every moment, every touch, and I still do.

Maybe I sound pathetic. But I can't help it. I don't show much emotion, so it is normal that people don't get me much. But Ivy is a different story. She knows me in and out. And she should know how I feel about her safety. But she just doesn't care.

"It may sound like I am being selfish, Izzy, but... You all don't understand. It was me who saw her in that state. It was me who lost her for a whole six months. I know, you lost a friend, everyone lost someone, but for me, she is... She has captured all of me, Izzy." I sigh removing Izzy's hands off my face and turn around. I don't like sharing my feelings. But whenever it is about Ivy, I am helpless.

"You know, I never thought I will live a day my cold ass of a brother will love someone this much" Izzy says playfully. I shake my head and turn to face her with a little smile.

"I can't help it. She has me wrapped around her finger." I confess which makes Izzy's eyes go round. I let out a chuckle.

"Save the date! Alec Lightwood is actually opening up about his feelings!" She gasps and covers her mouth dramatically. I press my lips together and just shake my head. Yeah, she is right, it is a sensation. Izzy sees my distressed state and turns serious.